Five Years!!

 

 

Five Years, it's been five years since I heard your voice or seen your smile.  It's been five years since I heard your laugh or gazed into your beautiful blue eyes.  It's been five years since I have been able to share anything and everything with you.  It's been five years since I had your shoulder to lean on or had a good debate about politics or world events.  It's been five years ago that my heart was torn in two and half of me ceased to exist.  It's been five years since you seen Emily and held her hand.  It's been five years since you have taken her out for ice cream or played soccer with her in our front yard.  It's been five years since we watched NHRA or football together.  It's been five years since I heard you strum your guitar and make us smile.  It's been five years since you came home from work and I fixed you dinner.  It's been five years since I have hugged and kissed you.  It's been five years ago that I lost my best friend and biggest fan.  It's been five years since you loved us unconditionally and gave us all that you had. 

It's been a long, lonely, and heart breaking five years. 

It's been five years ago that I called out to Jesus and asked for His comfort and strength.  Five years ago Jesus heard my cries and comforted every single one of us that loved you.  Jesus already knew that you were going Home on that day five years ago.  Jesus already knew the path he set before me and Emily.  Five years ago Jesus asked me to trust Him and held my right hand.  Five years ago I accepted His hand and have not let go.  Five years ago brings me to today.

I know Jesus is with us and I am trusting Him with our life journey.  It's been hard, heart breaking, heart wrenching, and tiring; very tiring.  This path has also seen joy, laughter, peace, comfort, and healing.  I know Jesus has my back and I am marching on.  I know one day I will see Jesus face to face, and I know I will see Kirk again.  What a reunion day that will be!!!

Thank you Jesus for being there; comforting and giving me rest.  Thank you to all of my family and friends.  I could not have done this alone and all of you have played major parts in my life.  Thank you to all my new widow friends that Jesus blessed me by finding all of you!!!  It's a journey none of us want to be on, but here we are all surviving and thriving. 

I don't know what the next five years will look like, but one thing I know for certain is that no matter what my future or path brings Jesus will be there right beside me cheering me on and leading me.  To God be all the Glory!!! 

THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY KIRK!!!  WHAT A BLESSING!!! 

June has arrived!!

"Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55


Oh the month of June has arrived once again.  June, the month of the seasons transitioning from spring to summer.  The beautiful colors of flowers set against luscious green lawns every where you look.  The early morning chirping of birds praising God for another glorious day while bees and hummingbirds buzz around for their nectar and sugar fix. 


We can't forget about the beautiful June brides.  I happen to be a proud June bride.  June is the most popular month for weddings.  Kirk and I were married on June 12th.  That year it was very hot and humid and it actually stormed the morning of our wedding.  By the time we had said our nuptials, the sun was beautiful and bright.  I had someone come up to me and say, "Have you heard that when it rains on your wedding day, that brings good luck."  I had not heard that old wise tell, and little did I know it turned out to be just that, an old wise tell.


With all the beauty that June brings, I will admit I wish the time away.  You see, June is our wedding anniversary, Father's Day, and Kirk's anniversary of going Home.  You can see why I cringe when my calendar flips to June 1st. 


As I am looking at this calendar, it is filled already which means it will be a busy month for us.  Ending of travel soccer season but the beginning of Emily's high school soccer career; soccer camp; and our long awaited vacation.  Emily and I decided to treat ourselves this year and we are splurging for a cruise.  And this cruise just so happens to leave on Kirk's day of his Homecoming.  I took that as a sign to pack up, cruise out, and relax. 


This is not only the month that Kirk went Home, it's also the five year mark.  Five years!!!  How did we get to this mark?  How did we survive this long without him?  How is this even possible? 


JESUS!!!!


That is how we survived!!! 


Jesus is the ONLY reason we have gotten this far.  He is the ONLY reason I have hope in a future that doesn't include my beloved.  Because Jesus died on the Cross and DEFEATED the grave, I have hope that I will be reunited with Kirk when it's my turn to go Home.  Because of my faith in my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, my good Counselor, I know that one day I will see my Jesus and see my Kirk and my loved ones that have gone before me. 


"Where O death is your victory?  Where O death is your sting?"....Our Victory is with Jesus Christ, the One that is with US until the end of the age.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 


For this month of June, I challenge you to hold tight to your loved ones.  Tell them how much you love them and show them by serving them, just as Jesus came to serve you.  Jesus is the King of Kings, yet He washed the feet of His disciples.  He could have asked the angels to save Him from going to the cross and not bear the burden of our sins, but He willingly sacrificed Himself.  He came to serve, and we must follow His example. 


Please pray for us as I always keep all of you in my prayers.  Prayers are a great way to exercise your love for someone; God listens and knows your pain and sorrow.  Also thank God for every blessing and every situation that comes your way.  Thanksgiving is showing God just how much you trust Him.  I don't understand why this happened to us, and I'm not going to pretend I do.  What I DO KNOW AND BELIEVE is that GOD has a PLAN for me!!  And for you!!! Just trust!!!


Lord Father, I pray that You open hearts of the people I love and care for and they accept You in and thirst for You.  I know it's easy to get mad, confused, and bitter but with You in our hearts we can know love, trust, and faith.  I don't understand but it's not for me to know all; You do and already have my path set for me.  Thank you Lord for everything you have done for me and everyone in my life.  In Your Precious Name, Amen!!