Making everything new!!

Happy New Year!!!

For some of you this is a welcome sign.  A new year means new beginnings and new adventures.  For some of you, it's another dreaded night of being alone and just a reminder of being a widow.  Either way you feel, the new year is inevitable  The new year is just hours away now.  2017 is almost here!!

Do you make resolutions?  I normally don't but I do set goals for myself from year to year.  Some I haven't achieved but that's okay.  I'm working on a big one from the start of 2016 and that's okay that I haven't completed this project.  As long as it gets done and it's God's will to happen, I know it will happen in God's time.  So I am practicing patience and trusting God by putting it in His court.  I know He has me either way so I'm not fretting or worrying about my project. 

If you make resolutions and goals but didn't see them through, give yourself a break and use the new year as a fresh start.  Be patient and kind to yourself is all you can do and give yourself permission.  Maybe that can be your new resolution or goal for 2017; giving yourself permission to just be!! 

See the new year as a new beginning.  When December 31, 2011 rolled around, I felt like I was leaving Kirk behind.  At least while it was 2011 I felt like he was still there, he had lived almost exactly half of that year so when I was looking at 2012 in the face, I had a sad feeling of reality.  Kirk wasn't in 2012, he didn't get to see that New Year's Eve and I was saddened by that.  Now that we are on the verge of the 6th NYE without him, it's gotten a little easier to celebrate tonight.  Now I view each new January 1st as a new beginning.  A new year of what can be; hope of a better year and new adventures. 

In Revelation 21:4-5 we are told, "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things have passed away.  He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

This hope carries over year to year.  That is one thing you can take away from tonight.  Each new year we can carry that hope with us.  We can trust that God is with us right here right now; year to year, day to day, minute to minute, second to second.  He never leaves us; His love is unfailing. 

Psalm 6:4 NIV "Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love."

Psalm 13:5 NIV "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."

Psalm 33:22 NIV "May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 119:76 NIV "May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant."

As you can see, there are many verses that tell us about God's unfailing love for us.  If you make any kind of resolution, maybe make one to read the Psalms.  They are filled with so many verses of hope, love, comfort, pain, troubles, and solutions.  Reading the Bible and studying and absorbing God's word can only help you heal and grow with God.  You can never go wrong reading and mediating on His word.  The Bible is God's love letter to His children; we are meant to read, believe, and trust what He tells and promises us. 

My prayer for you this New Year's Eve is that you find comfort and healing through reading the Bible, going to church, finding a small group at church, or finding a couple of other widows to fellowship with and share in each other's journeys. 

Lord, please heal and bless each person that is reading my blog.  Lord I pray that they find comfort and healing through you.  You are the only way to find true happiness and healing and I pray that everyone understands this truth and they seek comfort through you.  Thank you Lord for another year and I pray that each one of us will have a blessed and safe 2017.  Thank you for seeing us through and blessing us with so much.  In Your precious name I pray Amen.

Happy 2017!!!  Remember you are never alone and we are all in this together. Live, laugh, love, celebrate, and hope!!!   I love each and every one of you!!!

Prayer Warriors Needed!!

MERRY CHRSTMAS!!!

I can't believe it's just a few short days away. This year has flown by.  It's hard to believe that on Christmas Day Kirk will have been gone for 5 and a half years.  It doesn't seem real.  This will be our sixth Christmas without him.  Some nights I let my mind drift when I'm in bed and imagine how he is celebrating in heaven.  Can you imagine the party that Christmas Day brings in heaven?  One day we will get to celebrate with our loved ones once again!!  It will be a great celebration!!

As I am writing this, it is the Monday before Christmas.  I am asking for prayers for me and Emily for Tuesday the 20th at around 3.  We have a meeting with our county's foundation board about an idea we have to help others like us.  The idea came to me last Christmas when I was thinking about the sweet widows I had met over the year and their families.  I really want to do something that will help new widows or widowers with children that still live at home.  I came up with an idea of having small bags made up with a couple of books that deal with grieving and are from Christian authors.  I also want these bags to include references that I have found that has helped me in my journey and also little trinkets for the children involved.  I have thought about this idea for a year now and I'm hoping I can get help with this through our local foundation.  Emily is excited to be a part of this idea and wants to help these families just as much as I do.  I am excited and nervous but if it's of God's will then I know my idea will turn into reality.  If someone had came to me with this bag when Kirk had passed suddenly, I would have cherished the information.  I just want us to be available to help others who are just starting their journey and to let them know they are not alone!!!

Christmas is a time to show others that we love them and to let them know we are there for them.  Knowing someone is sitting in the wings ready to lend a shoulder to cry on, lend their hearts to pray with you, share their precious time to listen to your pain is a precious gift.  This gift cannot be bought with money.  I would rather that someone spend time with me to laugh, cry, pray, and just share and make memories.  Memories sure cannot be bought but yet they are a treasure. 

God gave us the ultimate gift when He sent His one and only Son to be born in a humble manger and 33 years later die on a cross for all of mankind.  Luke 2:8-12 tells us, "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the city of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you; You will find a baby wrapped in clothes and lying in a manger." 

Because of this precious baby, I am able to be forgiven.  Because of this precious baby, I can find rest, comfort, and healing.  Because He was born and died for me, I can live and praise Him. 

I'm not sure why Kirk was taken away from us at such a young age.  I'm not sure if I'll ever know the reason why I am a widow and Emily lost her dad at such a young age.  But I do know that Jesus is with me every step of  the way.  I know He is right there leading me and encouraging me to fight one more day.  I know He is instructing me to forgive, love, care, and show compassion to others.  Because of Christmas Day, I can give my heart and love to others that are in desperate need. 

So this Christmas and every Christmas that I am fortunate enough to spend here on Earth, I will let Christ lead me to do His will.  I will put trust in my most precious Christmas gift and let His light shine through me so that others will find comfort through my actions and words.

So this Tuesday if you could just say a short prayer for us and that we are following His will for our lives, we will greatly appreciate your love and support!!

We want to wish each and every one of you a Very Merry Christmas and a Beautiful New Year!!!  May this coming year be the best one yet for all of you.  We love you all!!

Lord thank you for coming to Earth as a baby born into humble beginnings and being the most precious gift to all mankind.  I pray Lord that Your will be done through me and Emily and  I know that if it is Your will, we will be able to help others that will be starting their journey.  Lord I pray for all of my sweet widow sisters and widower brothers that are trying their best every day Lord.  Its a long and hard path Lord, but with you by our side; our journey is not made alone.  Thank you Lord for Your love and compassion and for giving up Your Heavenly home to come and rescue all of us!!!  It's in Your Precious Name I pray!!  Amen!!

Give Thanks!!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever"  Psalm 107:1 NIV


First off, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!  It's one of my favorite weeks of the whole year.  It's a short work week; long fun weekend; great time with family and friends; awesome dinner; and shopping for gifts.  I look forward to this week all year.  I hope you do too. 

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  We got through the year with no big tragedies so that's always a huge plus.  Emily and I got to go on a dream vacation with awesome friends.  She has had a great start to her high school career.  I am still beyond blessed with the best family and friends.  Most of all, I am still learning and growing in my faith as a Christ follower.  God has blessed me beyond measure and for that I am always so very thankful.

I had set a couple of goals this year and it's taking me most of the year to see them start to take shape.  One of my goals was to speak with others about my journey of grief and being a widow.  I got to realize that dream a week ago thanks to my beautiful friend Chris and her awesome pastor husband Jimmy.  They invited me to talk to their church about grief and my path so far.  I was honored and gave Him all the glory for being able to share my story.  Part of the healing process is to reach back and help others.  I feel it keeps our beloved alive through sharing our stories and allowing others in on our cherished memories.  I enjoyed talking to these amazing people and even got relationship advice from a remarried widow.  She was so sweet and shared her story with me and how she had been married for 32 years when her first husband passed.  She met a man at church that was a widower after being married for 42 years.  They fell in love and are now blessed to be man and wife.  She shared her hope for me and told me she would pray that God will send me a God centered man.  It's incredible to meet people that have walked the same journey as you and to hear them say they will pray for your continued healing.  For that, I am thankful for getting to help others and being blessed by wonderful women who reach back to me.  It's beautiful to be part of a community of loving and caring women.

Another major goal I had set for myself is to serve my community through helping new widows and widowers and their children.  I want to hand out bags that contain a couple of small books that I hand picked along with resources that have helped me along my path.  I also will include things in the bag for small children and I have a couple of ideas for older children.  I contacted our local county foundation and they seem to like the idea.  After Thanksgiving, Emily and I will be meeting with them to discuss the next steps for our project.  I am so excited and thankful for the people that have liked my idea and have pointed me in the right direction to set this in motion.  I'll keep you all updated on this.  Please keep us in your prayers for this idea to become a reality and we will be able to bless others that are starting their journey.  I want to show them love and compassion as God as shown us.  The best way to bring others to Christ is to lead by example; to become His disciples.  This idea is already a year old and with prayer and His will, we hope to see it happen.

One way to navigate through our grief is to be thankful to God.  I know you are saying to yourself: How can I be thankful when my heart is broken in two?  I thought the same way when our church counselor told us that we would get to a point where we can be thankful.  A grateful heart is a full heart so when you feel like you can, start telling Jesus what all you are thankful for.  1 Thessalonians 5:16 says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". NIV   If you fill your heart with gratitude and love, slowly the pain will start to ease.  I promise you that you will feel your heart start to heal. 

I pray that all of you will have a very Happy Thanksgiving.  If you feel like you can't continue to do the traditions that you did with your beloved just have patience with yourself.  Take a couple of steps back and re-evaluate your situation.  If you have to, change your traditions even if it's just for this year and do something new or different.

 Just breathe and pray; He's with you always.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 

Believe this sisters and know that He is always there, holding your hand, loving you every step.  If you can only be thankful for just one thing this year, be thankful for Jesus being there with you.  He sees your pain, hurt, and tears.  He loves you right here, right now.  Rest in this assurance and just whisper,  Thank you Jesus!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving and take care of yourself this holiday season!!

Victory!!

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

Did you know there is a condition out there for us widows that is called "Widow Brain"?  This condition affects our memory and our thinking.  I know it has taken me a long time to get through the fog of widow brain and be able to remember anything from simple daily routines to big events and special occasions.  I have had problems with finding keys, paperwork, and items in my purse.  You name it, I've forgotten about it or can't find it!!  I get frustrated with myself and others have been frustrated at me.  But I know at some point I will find the item or a sweet soul will kindly remind me of something I have missed or forgotten.  One thing to remember is that with widows, forgetting a special day or losing a special object is not on purpose so please never take it personal.  It's just our widow brain condition.

But one day when I least expected, the fog started to lift and I was able to feel almost "back to normal".  Memories would be more accessible and I started feeling good about remembering special events and days for my family and friends.  I started feeling good about making others feel special; feeling good to help and care for others.

Then one day last week I had a small victory.  It was an euphoric feeling of being able to work through a memory and finding an important badge that Emily needed for school. 

I had bought her a yearly sports pass for all events.  Her school put this on her ID badge so as she walks into a sporting event, they just have to scan the bar code on her badge.  At our first home football game, her badge did not work.  The lady let her enter the game and told her to take the badge and have it fixed by the athletic assistant.  Emily had put her badge in her small purse and then put that in my big purse.  The next day, she had a soccer game three hours away.  I remember seeing the small purse in mine but then after that I lost track. 

Jump to two weeks later, we were getting ready for homecoming and I asked Emily if she got her pass fixed.  She then replied as most teenagers do, "I can't find my badge."  Ugh!!  Why is this always the answer?  I then reminded her that homecoming was the next evening and that her badge needed to be working and told her to find it, and then take it to school.  So, she proceeds to "look" for it and it was no where to be found; then she gave up.  So after I was finished with my chores, I stood in my kitchen to think. My kitchen is my lair where a lot of good ideas come to me.  I pondered on the last couple of weeks and I flashed back to the soccer game.  I knew I had it in my vehicle.  I remembered she rode home with me and my mom. 

And then.....

My mind processed that she had a small bag that she took some items with her for the long school bus ride to her game.  Where did she put that bag? (Then I chuckled because she didn't put that bag away, I did.)  Wait, my mind rejoiced, that bag normally hangs in her closet. 

I ran in her room, opened her closet door and there was the bag.  I excitedly reached into that small bag and there it was, her badge!!!  I had just stood and processed the last two weeks of events and solved the mystery!!!

 It was a big victory for me and my widow brain!!  I processed and worked through a situation on my own!  It was a sweet couple of moments.

Doesn't it feel good to celebrate a small to big victory?  The moment that just feels good, even if it's your own personal victory.  Another victory we can celebrate is Jesus.

Jesus scored the biggest victory we have ever known by defeating the grave.  Jesus was beat, tortured, and nailed to a cross.  He took that punishment so we can have victory in His resurrection.  His victory over the cross gave mankind victory over death.  1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NIV states, "Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ". 

With this victory, Jesus is our prize.  Jesus took the nails to free us from sin and death.  That victory Jesus won gets to be celebrated by every single one of us that accepts this gift.  Jesus loving us that much to sacrifice Himself for our benefit is the sweetest victory of all!!  My small victory is pale in comparison to Jesus's biggest victory in history!!

Jesus, thank you for Your Victory.  Your victory becomes our victory for the ones that choose to celebrate with you.  I pray that those of us that are not partaking in that victory will do so today.  The most important victory of mankind can be celebrated by all of us.  Father I pray those who have not accepted Your Precious Gift will do so today.  In Your Precious Name I Pray Amen!!

Encourage

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him."  Psalm 28:7 NIV

It's Labor Day weekend!!  Can you believe it?  Where did the summer go?  Schools already back in session and the leaves are starting to dry and fall away from the trees.  Our apple orchards here in Indiana are starting to sell all of their delicious apples.  It's a big fall tradition for many of us Hoosiers to go and grab our favorite apples. 

Another tradition in Indy is drag racings crown jewel, US Nationals.  Indianapolis is the self proclaimed "Racing Capital of the World" since we are the proud home of the Indianapolis 500, Brickyard 400, and of course The Nationals.  Labor Day was a big weekend for Kirk.  He was a huge drag racing fan.  He had helped his uncle build a dragster when he was a teenager living north of Houston, Texas.  His dream was to work for a large team, preferably a Top Alcohol dragster.  About two-three years Kirk got a chance to help a local guy that raced an alcohol funny car.  I had never seen him so happy and excited.  He would have to be at the track early in the morning and wouldn't get home until after 10 pm during race weekend.  Even though the team didn't preform as well as they wanted, he got to fulfill a dream he had harbored for several years.  As we say, he got to check that off of his bucket list.  Little did we know, he would never get a chance to help out again at the track. 

This weekend is bittersweet for me.  Kirk and I went out to the track so many times when we were dating and before we had Emily.  Once Emily was old enough, we started taking her and she fell in love with the festivities.  She got to meet John Force a couple of times, his daughters, and several of the other big name drivers.  Labor Day weekend, especially Saturday, was set aside just for us to enjoy family time and racing.  Watching the race now on tv reminds me of so many sweet memories.  The good times we shared together are priceless.  We have not been back since Kirk's passing.  We have talked about going back, but the reality is that he will not be there with us smiling from ear to ear, enjoying his favorite sport. 

I know I have not written since July.  Truth be told, I have felt like I could not find words to encourage any of you.  This fifth year has really caught me off guard.  I have felt as though I can't muster enough in me to keep me moving; so how can I encourage others.  And one thing I have learnt is that God never changes; He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It's me that has moved but I don't know what has changed.  I can only sit and read my Bible and find God's message to me.  I came across the Bible verse above and it spoke to me.  "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him." Psalm 28:7 NIV   My song is my life and I will praise Him for all He has done for me.  He has lifted me from my darkest depths and I am forever grateful.  He knows my heart and He has never left me by myself.  Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV says, "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

 That is what I was, discouraged!!!

This summer was really hard for me personally.  But I have HOPE and I know my Jesus is with me and He will not leave me to my own.  In that I have great HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT.  My heart is over joyed knowing that even in the darkest moments; Jesus is right there with me.  And He is also right there for you.  He knows your path and He is there with you; loving and encouraging you.  I trust Him and hope that when you can't see His light in your darkest moments, you can cling to His truth and know that He is God and nothing is too big for Him.  Pray, trust, and cling to Him. 

Lord, I come to you on this hard weekend for us and pray that you keep encouraging us along our path.  It's hard to keep moving some days, but knowing I can whisper Your name and feel Your love and strength is a huge relief.  Father, I pray others will do this same practice so they too can feel Your love and hope.  Lord I pray that my life will serve as my song to You.  In Your Precious Name I pray..Amen

 

Our last time at the US Nationals together.

 

Happy Summer!!!??

 

Bonaire 2016

 

Happy Summer to all of you!!  I hope you are all having a nice and relaxing summer.  Our summer has had it's up and downs; this picture is definitely a pic of one of the many ups.  This was taken at a beach resort on the small but beautiful island of Bonaire.  This was the view as we stepped out of our taxi/minivan.  The water was a gorgeous ice blue with the dark blue of the ocean we all know and love.  The sand was silky smooth and the water was warm and only waist high.  It's what I envision the Garden of Eden would be; perfect and beyond anything I ever thought existed.

 

Our vacation also included stops in Saint Marten, beautiful Curacao and my favorite Aruba.  An amazing vacation made in dreams and we got to share it with special friends.  It was a much needed and much deserved time away.  We started planning in February and now we are already a month out from leaving.  Time sure does fly doesn't it? 

 

As with any highs, our summer did have lows.  We experienced some adversity with Emily and her soccer.  Even though I think she will be in a better situation, the sting is still lingering.  When your child who has experienced a traumatic episode asks you why bad things keep happening to her, how do you answer that?  To look into her eyes and see the hurt and pain all over again was heart wrenching.  We did get her situation worked out but that sting and the loss of confidence within herself is still there; it's still in the back of her mind.  It makes me sad to know that she has been questioning her skills.  We just keep open dialogue about how God has got her and that He knows her path.  We know that everything will work out for His good so we will trust and keep walking.

 

So this brings me to a word that we all ask ourselves a lot.  That word is WHY!!

 

Don't you ask yourself that too?  Why did my husband have to be the one to leave me and his family before he should have?  Why does my child(ren) have to grow up without their dad?  Why do I have to raise my child on my own and have to answer her tough questions by myself?  Why did this happen to us?

 

I answer the only way I know how this side of Heaven; God knows the Why and maybe we aren't meant to know right now or at all.  God sees the entire picture and we can only see little slices.  I do know that we must have faith and trust in His plan. 

 

How hard is this?!!  Very hard!!

 

It calls for patience and endurance; faith and trust; praying and meditating.  You have to realize that you are not in control; God is.  God has carved our paths and we must discipline ourselves to get on that path and follow it.  We must know that God works everything for our good; according to His purpose.  So along this path, we must give Him the praise and glory.  God is for us; not against. 

 

It seems that since we have been home and actually during our cruise; the world has become more of a mess than ever.  The attack at the Turkey airport happened while we were gone.  We sat and watched some of the coverage and one of the stories was a young mom that was killed while holding her little child.  This really hit home with Emily and she cried asking me why yet again.  Once again I was left trying to answer that one word that can't be answered.  I seen the grief pain once again in her eyes.  We all know that look very well because we see that in our own eyes in the mirror. 

 

Once we got home, it seemed all hell broke loose, literally.  With the recent attacks and violence here in our own country, I find myself asking God WHY?  Why does the death, grief, and violence continue?  He reminds me though that we do live in a fallen world and this was foretold in the Bible. I also am reminded that Jesus has won the war but the battles do rage on. 

 

So here are some of my WHYs answered: 

  I do know that my God is bigger than any adversity we can face. I know that He has already won.

  I do know that my God is for us so who can be against us. 

  I do know that my God loves me even when I am one big mess of sin. 

  I do know that I am His child and He is my Father.

  I do know that Jesus defeated the grave and that He wants me to leave my burdens at the cross.

 

So when you are left standing or on your knees pleading the word WHY...remember the truths above.  The only way I have made it this far on my journey is to focus on the truths that I do believe and hold near my heart.  My soul thirsts for His truth and He fills me when I am on empty.  I pray that when you feel you are on the fumes of life and going any farther is hard to bear, just look up and say thank you Lord or simply whisper Jesus.  He will hear and answer your pleas. 

 

Lord, thank you for blessing Emily and me with an amazing family and incredible friends.  Thank you for blessing us with our trip and getting to visit the paradises you created.  Lord please help us to remember that You have won the war.  It's so important to remember that every day, especially when life doesn't go as planned.  Thank you for the adversity Father because without adversity how would we ever praise and thank you for the beautiful moments.  This world can turn upside in a second, but You are faithful and never change.  Thank you Lord!!  Lord I pray everything I say, write and my actions are only to glorify You and Your precious name.  Amen!!





 

 



Five Years!!

 

 

Five Years, it's been five years since I heard your voice or seen your smile.  It's been five years since I heard your laugh or gazed into your beautiful blue eyes.  It's been five years since I have been able to share anything and everything with you.  It's been five years since I had your shoulder to lean on or had a good debate about politics or world events.  It's been five years ago that my heart was torn in two and half of me ceased to exist.  It's been five years since you seen Emily and held her hand.  It's been five years since you have taken her out for ice cream or played soccer with her in our front yard.  It's been five years since we watched NHRA or football together.  It's been five years since I heard you strum your guitar and make us smile.  It's been five years since you came home from work and I fixed you dinner.  It's been five years since I have hugged and kissed you.  It's been five years ago that I lost my best friend and biggest fan.  It's been five years since you loved us unconditionally and gave us all that you had. 

It's been a long, lonely, and heart breaking five years. 

It's been five years ago that I called out to Jesus and asked for His comfort and strength.  Five years ago Jesus heard my cries and comforted every single one of us that loved you.  Jesus already knew that you were going Home on that day five years ago.  Jesus already knew the path he set before me and Emily.  Five years ago Jesus asked me to trust Him and held my right hand.  Five years ago I accepted His hand and have not let go.  Five years ago brings me to today.

I know Jesus is with us and I am trusting Him with our life journey.  It's been hard, heart breaking, heart wrenching, and tiring; very tiring.  This path has also seen joy, laughter, peace, comfort, and healing.  I know Jesus has my back and I am marching on.  I know one day I will see Jesus face to face, and I know I will see Kirk again.  What a reunion day that will be!!!

Thank you Jesus for being there; comforting and giving me rest.  Thank you to all of my family and friends.  I could not have done this alone and all of you have played major parts in my life.  Thank you to all my new widow friends that Jesus blessed me by finding all of you!!!  It's a journey none of us want to be on, but here we are all surviving and thriving. 

I don't know what the next five years will look like, but one thing I know for certain is that no matter what my future or path brings Jesus will be there right beside me cheering me on and leading me.  To God be all the Glory!!! 

THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY KIRK!!!  WHAT A BLESSING!!! 

June has arrived!!

"Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55


Oh the month of June has arrived once again.  June, the month of the seasons transitioning from spring to summer.  The beautiful colors of flowers set against luscious green lawns every where you look.  The early morning chirping of birds praising God for another glorious day while bees and hummingbirds buzz around for their nectar and sugar fix. 


We can't forget about the beautiful June brides.  I happen to be a proud June bride.  June is the most popular month for weddings.  Kirk and I were married on June 12th.  That year it was very hot and humid and it actually stormed the morning of our wedding.  By the time we had said our nuptials, the sun was beautiful and bright.  I had someone come up to me and say, "Have you heard that when it rains on your wedding day, that brings good luck."  I had not heard that old wise tell, and little did I know it turned out to be just that, an old wise tell.


With all the beauty that June brings, I will admit I wish the time away.  You see, June is our wedding anniversary, Father's Day, and Kirk's anniversary of going Home.  You can see why I cringe when my calendar flips to June 1st. 


As I am looking at this calendar, it is filled already which means it will be a busy month for us.  Ending of travel soccer season but the beginning of Emily's high school soccer career; soccer camp; and our long awaited vacation.  Emily and I decided to treat ourselves this year and we are splurging for a cruise.  And this cruise just so happens to leave on Kirk's day of his Homecoming.  I took that as a sign to pack up, cruise out, and relax. 


This is not only the month that Kirk went Home, it's also the five year mark.  Five years!!!  How did we get to this mark?  How did we survive this long without him?  How is this even possible? 


JESUS!!!!


That is how we survived!!! 


Jesus is the ONLY reason we have gotten this far.  He is the ONLY reason I have hope in a future that doesn't include my beloved.  Because Jesus died on the Cross and DEFEATED the grave, I have hope that I will be reunited with Kirk when it's my turn to go Home.  Because of my faith in my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, my good Counselor, I know that one day I will see my Jesus and see my Kirk and my loved ones that have gone before me. 


"Where O death is your victory?  Where O death is your sting?"....Our Victory is with Jesus Christ, the One that is with US until the end of the age.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 


For this month of June, I challenge you to hold tight to your loved ones.  Tell them how much you love them and show them by serving them, just as Jesus came to serve you.  Jesus is the King of Kings, yet He washed the feet of His disciples.  He could have asked the angels to save Him from going to the cross and not bear the burden of our sins, but He willingly sacrificed Himself.  He came to serve, and we must follow His example. 


Please pray for us as I always keep all of you in my prayers.  Prayers are a great way to exercise your love for someone; God listens and knows your pain and sorrow.  Also thank God for every blessing and every situation that comes your way.  Thanksgiving is showing God just how much you trust Him.  I don't understand why this happened to us, and I'm not going to pretend I do.  What I DO KNOW AND BELIEVE is that GOD has a PLAN for me!!  And for you!!! Just trust!!!


Lord Father, I pray that You open hearts of the people I love and care for and they accept You in and thirst for You.  I know it's easy to get mad, confused, and bitter but with You in our hearts we can know love, trust, and faith.  I don't understand but it's not for me to know all; You do and already have my path set for me.  Thank you Lord for everything you have done for me and everyone in my life.  In Your Precious Name, Amen!!

God's Promises

On my way home one early evening, I snapped this picture from my truck.  It had just stormed right before I left the store I was in.  As the storm was moving east, these two rainbows appeared side by side.  It was too beautiful not to take a picture.  As I turned west to head home, the skies were clear and a fabulous blue.  The sun was shining so wonderfully that it filled me with joy. 

So then I started to think about how this parallels with our lives.  Our storms hit us head on, full blown wind, rain, lightning, thunder, and hail.  When you are in the middle of them, you can't see your hand in front of your face.  You think that they will never pass by; it feels they will never end.  It's hard to remember that there is a rainbow on the back end of that storm.  God gives us these rainbows to remind us of His promise to us that He will never leave us; He will never break the covenant He has with us.  Genesis 9:13-16 says, "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.  Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind.  Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever a rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."  So when I see rainbows I always think about God's promise to all of us.  God sends us a sign in the sky!!!  Sit and think about this...He actually sends us a sign that WE ALL CAN SEE!!! 

When God shows us that sign and promise, then the blue skies filled with the sun's rays of hope and warmth also represents His promises.  Once the storm blindsides us and makes us hunker down for awhile, we rise to see the rainbow that God has set in front of us.  I see that blue sky and sun as hope for a future that God has promised me.  I see the blue sky and sun the beacon for a new path filled with His love and glory.  I know God is there with me through that storm hunkered down with me in the muck and wind.  I know that when I'm ready, I am shown the rainbow of His promises.  Then and only then, when He knows I am ready to turn my head toward the beautiful sunshine; He sets my feet on the path He has made ready for me.  I always go back to one of my favorite verses, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11NIV 

I know it's hard to believe or imagine, but there is sunshine after a terrible storm.  There is hope and a future after you have endured for what seems like a long time.  God's promises are true, just as the rainbow reminds us every time it blesses us.  Hold on for a while longer, your storm will subside and you will see a rainbow and the sun up in the blue skies once again.  God promises you this!!

This Tuesday, the 17th, would have been Kirk's 48th birthday.  He has been gone for almost 5 years.  I haven't written in awhile because I've been struggling with these milestones.  I can't believe it's almost been 5 years.  Do me a favor and keep Emily and me in your prayers as I will keep all of you in mine.  Prayer is the most powerful and caring thing you can do for the people you love and care about.  On Tuesday, tell the people in your life how much you love and care for them in remembrance of Kirk.  Kirk loved so many people and always was there to help anyone at anytime.  Life is short and fleeting and we are never promised our next breath.  As with us, one minute you have everything you could have hoped for in this world, and the next minute it's gone.  All your future hopes and dreams stolen from you in a blink of an eye.  But look up, see your rainbow and know God is there for you!!  We hold on every day to that and He has been there every step of our path!!

Happy Birthday in heaven my sweet Kirk.  I know you are celebrating in heaven!!!  One day we will all celebrate again together!!

Storms of Life

"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."  Matthew 7:25

Hello everyone!!

Okay, I don't know if the weather has been really strange where you live, but here in Indiana it's been crazy.  In one day here we had rain, snow, sleet, sun, and the wind has been incredible.  I don't remember the wind blowing as hard as it has in the last couple of months. My decorations and chairs on my pergola have been thrown around tossed out to my backyard.  And if that wasn't bad enough, your hair doesn't stand a chance out there. 

This crazy weather got me thinking about how much it compares to this season of my life.  One of the worst storms I could ever imagine consumed me in a matter of seconds.  This storm ripped through every part of my life; leaving me leveled.  The winds of change whipped me to and fro.  This storm ravaged and had no regard for any of us.  One thing the storm did not do was destroy me. 

How you may ask?  One reason!!  My Rock, my Lord and Savior is right there next to me.  He made sure I kept my footing on that rock and He never let go!!

Jesus talked about this in Matthew 7:24:27 NIV.  "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Jesus is saying that if your foundation is in Him; if you have FAITH AND TRUST in Him, then you will be able to stand against anything this world throws at you.  Storms will enter all of our lives, it's going to happen because we live in a fallen world.  How we endure our personal tsunamis is what we need to focus on.  Is your foundation with Jesus?  Or is your foundation this world we live in?  Do you look to others to give you shelter?  Or do you look to Jesus to give your shelter and comfort? 

Are you a person that built your foundation on the Rock?  Or are you a person that built your foundation on sand?  Storms will move in and wipe away sand and take it back into the water; but rocks stand firm and stay on land where they belong.  If you are a sand dweller, please look into your heart and pray.  Jesus will give you that firm foundation and WILL stand with you.  He loves you and wants to weather the storms of life with you.  No matter what has happened in your life, He will never leave you or forsake you.  You just have to put your trust in Him.  His grace is enough!!

Lord, thank you for being THE ROCK when storms wreck havoc on me.  I pray that those that do not have You as their rock will open up their hearts and accept You.  Without You, I would have been washed away along with the sand.  With You, I have endured and can stand on my foundation.  Thank you Lord Jesus!!  In Your Precious Name I pray...Amen!!

Memories

Memories...

We all have them.  Some of our memories are sweet and endearing, some are hard and traumatic.  There are times that I sit and reminisce; others sneak up from out of nowhere and leave me breathless.  Either way, they are memories that we all hold dear and have become a part of us.

While Emily was on spring break this week, we took a day trip with our good friends and my niece to St. Louis.  It's about a 3 1/2 hour trip from Indy to the Gateway to the West.  We enjoyed a great day at the City Museum, the zoo, and the Arch.  It was a beautiful, enjoyable day.  On our way home, Paula and I started talking about long road trips that we have done.  Seeing all the semis on the highway brought up a lot of memories of the trips Kirk and I went on during my time driving with him.  Once I starting talking, I kept remembering all the fun times he and I had on the road. 

We drove together for about three years off and on as a team.  We were owner/operators and owned a couple more semis that members of his family drove for us.  Kirk and I traveled all over the country.  I never got any farther west than Arizona; however we did go to Idaho once.  We did travel to the Carolinas and Pennsylvania but never farther east.  I've been to Laredo, El Paso, Ft. Dodge, New Orleans, Denver, Phoenix just to name a few cool spots.  We did travel through Roswell, New Mexico.  We ate at a truck stop that was decked out in everything alien.  Very cool but strange place.  I talked to Paula about seeing all these places and getting to see roadrunners.  Yes they really do exist; however no Wile E Coyote was out there with them. It was fun just to sit and talk about Kirk and our life while we got to travel. 

I will admit at the time I hated being away from home.  I hated packing up and leaving home to be gone for a week at a time.  The second that Kirk went to his Heavenly home, I cherished every second he and I spent together out on the road.  Every long and deep discussion we had I now hold dear to my heart.  There were no smart phones to interrupt or occupy our time together.  And believe it or not, we never fought even though we were confined to a small space.  The places I saw, the people I met, would have never happened had I not left my life behind here in Indy and went out with him on the open road.  I would have never seen the Rocky Mountains, the beautiful Arizona landscape, the green pastures of Idaho, the amazing sky in Wyoming, Wyatt Earp's Ft. Dodge, or Lake Pontchartrain.  I would have missed those three years with him; Kirk drove for many years and was gone quite a bit.  So many days we missed being together, so many moments we didn't get to share.  I hated to see him leave, and loved to hear those words, "I'm on my way home." 

In Philippians 1:3 NIV it says, "I thank my God every time I remember you."  I have this verse on our headstone that we share.  I do thank my God that He blessed me with Kirk.  I do thank my God for blessing me with these precious memories of him.  Not very many couples have worked together as team truck drivers and were able to stay married.  I got to go on so many adventures with Kirk and got to see so many neat places.  I feel so blessed to have shared that time of our life together. 

Do you have special memories of your beloved?  Do you sit and remember those stolen moments you shared?  Have you shared those memories with your family/friends/children?  If you haven't, please do so.  It's part of the healing process.  If you still feel it's too painful to travel down memory lane, that is fine.  You will get there.  As time goes on, you will feel more like sharing because those memories keep your loved ones alive in you.  You will always carry your husbands memories in your heart.  God blessed us with our husbands and He wants to see us rejoice.  God does see us in our grief, He knows our sorrow.  But he also knows that we will feel joy again.  In John 15:22 NIV we see, "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." 

YES!!!  We have the promise that if we are saved we will not only get to see Jesus, we will also get to see our husbands that have gone Home before us.  Jesus hears our cries and He promises us that we will rejoice again.  Isn't that amazing?!!! 

For right now, sharing memories and remembering the life we shared with our husbands is a true blessing.  I have found that I love to talk about Kirk and the life we shared together.  Emily likes to hear about stories of our life before she added ten fold to our world.  As time has marched on, I have found it easier to share.  Coming out of my widow fog has made it easier to remember and share.  Will you bless someone by sharing your stories? 

Lord, thank You for blessing me with a life rich in love and memories.  I pray that as time goes on and more memories emerge I will find it easy to share.  I want to bless Emily and my family and friends with wonderful memories of Kirk's life.  I pray that others can start to find it easier to share their stories too.  It will mean so much for so many others.  Lord thank You for Kirk; without him I would not have been blessed with Emily.  In Your Precious Name..Amen!!

He is Risen!!

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said.  Come and see the place where He lay." Matthew 28:6 NIV

He is Risen!!!  Wow the most important three words that have ever been said. These three words fulfilled Jesus's promise to all mankind.  These three words gives me hope and faith in that I will one day join Jesus and be raised from the dead. 

Without hope, what do I have?  I know in the first year or so after Kirk's sudden passing, hope was not on my radar.  I would attend church, sing praises to my Savior, and basically go through the motions of my every day life.  But my hope tank was running low.  How can I go on without Kirk?  How can I can raise my daughter by myself?  Does Jesus even hear my prayers and cries for His help and hope? 

Finally, I had to find hope through my Savior.  I had to find hope that only my Jesus can give me.  I didn't have to look far for you see, I wear a cross necklace every day. It's a beautiful diamond cross that was a precious gift from Kirk.  This cross dangles right next to my heart.  The cross is where we can find hope of life and resurrection.  The cross symbolizes unconditional all consuming love, everlasting hope, and bountiful joy.  1 Corinthians 1:18 NIV states, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."   Jesus had to endure the cross to give us freedom from our sins.

 He took our sins, paid our debt, and poured His blood out for us!!! 

I had to go to the cross and nail my doubt and feelings of hopelessness to His cross.  The best part, He wants me to do that, He encourages me to do that every day!!  I won't lie to you, it's an every day struggle.  AND I HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DO THIS!!!  I have to submit every day to His will and have Hope that His plans are far better than anything I can imagine. 

All I have to do is look to the cross!!  I know the cross was used as a method of death, a horrible instrument of torturous death.  But it also represents hope that death has been overcome!! Jesus overcame the cross and the grave and was raised from the dead!!!  HOPE!!  Hope of a better tomorrow; hope of an eternal life in Heaven with Jesus.  Hope and faith that we will see our beloved husbands one day soon!!  What a glorious reunion that will be!! 

The Cross was Enough!! 

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24 NIV

Lord, thank you for Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  Without those two days, there would be no hope for any of us.  Because of your sacrifice, I can live again.  I pray that the ones that do not know or understand the meaning of the cross will call out and seek you Lord.  Only You can fill the hole in our hearts and give us hope!!!  My hope comes from You and that is all I need!! In Your Precious Name I pray, Amen!!

My Path

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" Proverbs 3:6 KJV

My Path

When I sit down to write my blogs and I talk about my widow path or journey, I imagine my path looks something similar to this above picture.  Well, part of my path anyway.  What a beautiful, serene picture.  I love the fall, it's my favorite season.  The colors and cool weather work perfectly together.  If only my path looked like this all the time.  Unfortunately my path, if it could be drawn out, would look like a chaotic mess that could not be put back into a straight line. 

My path isn't like yours; no two paths are alike.  My path has taken me to places that I didn't know existed.  I wish these places didn't exist.  I learned very fast that I had to choose wisely in how I handled every part of this journey; but most importantly I had to choose wisely the One person that needed to lead me by my right hand.  Psalm 139:10 NIV, "even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

This path has led me in total and utter darkness.  There are times I can't see my hand in front of my face.  In the darkness, the silence and loneliness is devastating.  I cry and pray for help and continue moving forward because I know this light gives hope and encouragement.  I will say that this part of my path repeats itself and without warning.  The key here is to keep moving because at some point you will see the light again.  In 2 Samuel 22:29 NIV we are told, "You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light."  Jesus is the light and He will light my path out of the darkness every single time.

I have walked into fire that has threatened to consume me.  Fire on this path can be quite dangerous; for you see, I compare fire on this path to anger.  Anger will consume every part of you, most importantly your heart.  Proverbs 4:23 NIV tells us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  When you let anger and bitterness overtake your heart, that decision will affect every other part of your life.  Your path will not only head back into the darkness, it will also lead you away from your loved ones and Jesus.  My path went through this fire.  I could not run or hide from this part of the path; however I kept Jesus right by my side.  He helped me guard my heart and kept moving forward. 

I have also encountered mud and muck along my path.  This nasty quick sand of the journey threatened to devour and leave me stranded.  Have you ever seen a movie where the actor/actress comes across quick sand that was hidden?  They start to slowly disappear into the earth and the more they struggle, the quicker they descend.  This is what I refer to as self pity quick sand pit. Let me tell you that I have been in that trap.  I have self proclaimed pity parties where I don't want to keep moving.  When this happens to me, I call out to Jesus and ask him to spare me and I put out my hand for help.  There is nothing in that pit for me. There is no life, joy, or hope there;  no future, no love, no faith, just me and my mistrust.  Psalm 40:2 NIV states, "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."  Once I am back on that firm ground, I am able to keep moving forward and seek Him.  He is the only one that can save me from this pit, a pit that I create.  Jesus DOES NOT create these pits, we design our own.

My path has crossed other's paths.  I have met incredible widows that are on their own paths.  Our lives share many of the same characteristics and situations, but each one of our paths are different.  I have had the honor and pleasure of meeting so many other widows; some have children around the same age of my daughter Emily.  Sharing the details of our paths helps with healing and understanding.  I have met new friends that may be on a different but difficult path in their own right.  These new friends have helped me to keep moving forward.  Meeting new people that breathe encouragement and hope into my life gives me flickers of light and joy.  My heart swells with gratitude and thanksgiving toward my Lord Jesus Christ.  " I will praise God's name in song and glorify Him with thanksgiving." Psalm 69:30 NIV. 

Thanking God along this path helps to fill my heart with peace, joy and hope.  Along this path, I must look for His light.  Without having Jesus with me on this path, I would still be stuck back in the dark, allowing the flames of anger to overtake me.  Anger will only lead me to that pit and I could be down for the count.  NO HOPE!!  Without hope, I cannot see a future, I cannot see the light.  I have to rely on Jesus every second on this path.  He is the most important part of this journey.  He is right there with me because before I was born, He knew my path.  But in Psalm 118:105 NIV I read, "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  THAT'S RIGHT!!  HE is the light of my path.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I am not promised tomorrow; and we all know that is true.  I am uncertain what my future will entail.  Only Jesus knows that.  All I can do is submit to His will for me, stay in contact with Him by reading His Word and praying, and reaching back to help others that need me.  One thing I do know for certain is that He is with me until the end.  He will never leave me alone on my path; and for that I am very thankful.

Lord, thank you for not leaving me alone on this path.  I would have never chosen this path for myself or for Emily.  But I do know that You are faithful and will never leave us alone.  Please Lord bless all of my family and friends that are on a similar journey.  I pray that they call out to you Lord.  This path is steep at times and then can turn into a downward spiral.  I pray that we never let go of Your hand and we seek Your light always.  In Your Precious Name I pray Amen!!

Gift From God!!

GIFT FROM GOD!!!

Gifts!!  We all love getting and giving them.  I know that I love to give gifts, and receiving one every now and then is fun!!  How do you feel about gifts?  Are you one that loves to get them, or find more pleasure in giving? 

Gifts can come in many different forms.  We can receive material gifts during our birthdays and Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.  Do you have a favorite gift that you have received from a family member or friend?  I think my favorite gift that I have ever received is a diamond cross necklace that Kirk bought me for Christmas several years ago.  I wear it every day and it not only reminds me of his love for me, but also the love my Savior showered over me on that cross.  Did your husband buy you something that you treasure?

Another gift is the love from my family, and my love for my family.  Unconditional love is a true gift from God.  Knowing that whatever happens between me and my family, they will always love and support me in whatever choices I make.  Having that love and support from them gives me courage to test new areas of my life.  No matter how long it has been since we have seen each other, or how far apart our lives takes us, I always know that they will be there no matter what. And I feel that way about each and every one of them. I love each and every one of you beyond words.

The friendships that have blessed me beyond measure are true gifts from God.  I can tell you that I could have not gotten through these last five years without their love and support.  I have so many friends that I have had for years, and I have made so many new friends on this journey.  I have had the honor of meeting and communicating with so many new widow sisters.  You all have truly blessed me and have given me encouragement to keep moving forward.  I have also made new friends that have lifted me up with words, actions, and prayers.  I just want all of you to know that you have blessed me more than I could ever bless you!!

But the best gift of all is the fulfillment of God's promise to us through His Son, Jesus Christ.  Through Jesus, we have the gift of eternal life.  Romans 6:23 tells us, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Chris Jesus our Lord."  Through Jesus, His death on the cross gave us the gift of salvation and grace.  He showed us how much He loves us by pouring out His sacred blood.  His blood washes away our sins, all we have to do is confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts. In Romans 10:9 NIV it states, "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."  The greatest gift of all is the gift of Jesus Christ.  This gift is free to each and every one of us.  Jesus paid our sin debt, Jesus paid it all.  The greatest gift of all is the love Jesus has for all of us!!

A song I love to sing is called "Jesus Paid it All" written by Elvina Hall.  Here are some of the lyrics.

Jesus paid it all 
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

He did wash our sins white as snow.  Will you accept His free Gift?  I can tell you that without His love and gifts, I could not be on the right path of my widowhood journey.  He keeps me moving forward, He keeps my eyes fixed on eternity.  He loves me in my muck and nasty mess called my life.  He loves me when I cry and call out to Him.  He loves me with I laugh and enjoy life with my family and friends.  He blesses me in every moment and every situation.  He even blesses me so I can have special memories and moments that my heart needs.  Will you allow yourself to enjoy all the gifts God gives you?  Cherish the gifts from your family and friends and treat yourself to material gifts every once in awhile too.  We all deserve to be spoiled every now and again.

Lord Jesus, thank You for Your gift of eternal life.  Thank you for shedding Your blood for our salvation and showing us grace when we do not deserve it.  I pray that whomever has not accepted Your free gift of salvation will do so before it's too late.  Lord I pray for those of us that have accepted you, but may have strayed off of Your path.  Thank you Lord for all of the gifts you shower on us every single day, minute, and second.  Without You, I am nothing.  With You, I am loved and forgiven.  In Your Precious Name I pray, Amen!!

Extraordinary Life Part II

Happy Beautuful Sunday afternoon!!

As I sit here waiting for my daughter to be done with soccer practice, I continue thinking about trying to live an extraordinary life. I have thought of what this means for me personally. 

I know to live an extraordinary life I must trust and obey Gods commands. I must follow what He sets before me and act on issues that He lays on my heart. I must listen to His voice and and make Him a priority in my life. I know to keep close to Him I must read His words and surround myself with others that will not only point me toward Him but also hold me accountable when I do not. Putting Him above all else and trusting Him with every single area of my life will result in a life filled with peace and hope. We must lay our burdens at the cross and allow and trust He will work all things for our good. He promises this throughout the Bible. 

Another area to help with living an extraordinary life is to pray without ceasing. I have a dialogue all day with Jesus. I tell Him when I fail or need help. I'll ask Him to forgive or tell Him what I feel I need. When I get down or feel like I'm losing hope, I ask Him to feel me up with His Spirit. Knowing when and what type of prayers you need personally is showing Him that you trust and know He is with us at all times. 

Love unconditionally and let the people in your life know how much you love, care, and need them. After Kirk passed away I had so many regrets of not telling him how much I loved and appreciated him for always being there and taking care of his family. Now I am trying to let my family and friends know how I feel. Life is fleeting and situations happen in a blink of an eye and then that moment is gone. So forgive and love deeply those that you hold near and dear to your heart. Love and forgive as Jesus did for us on that cross. Love unconditionally and I promise that love and forgiveness will be returned to you.  We are just a vapor in time and once your time is over how do you want you family and friends to remember about you? 

I'm not perfect, not even close. But I do know that living an extraordinary life can only be done through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  He wants us to have an abundance of love and joy and hope. My life isn't easy but others have life so much harder than me. I choose to stay close to my Lord and tap into His unfailing and unwavering love and acceptance. I let Him direct my path because I know I will find love, peace, hope, joy, and sometimes failure and defeat. But in every situation and moment I choose to praise and worship His Holy Name.  He will lead me to eternal life in heaven and that will be my reward for living an extraordinary life on Earth. 

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday and the best week so far in this new year. Go out and make it incredible and remember to bless and love one another!! 

Extradorinay Life

I REFUSE TO LIVE AN ORDINARY LIFE!!!

While Emily and I were eating lunch with my mom today, I overheard this lyric in a song playing over the intercom.  I can't remember any other part of the song other than these words, I refuse to live an ordinary life. These words really stuck with me.  I have thought all day what these words mean to me personally.  The one question that I have asked myself is this: What does an extraordinary life look like to me?

Do I feel like an extraordinary life means to live a life collecting material objects?  Do  I feel like I can only live an extraordinary life by how the world views me?  Does this mean that I must strive to have a high paying job and compete for big raises and bonuses?  Should I have the right home in the right neighborhood that is the envy of my family and friends?  Does this vision also include the best and most expensive vehicles with all the bells and whistles?  Must my child attend the best and most impressive school/college?  After I ran the good race, would I feel like that I led an extraordinary life?  Or would I feel like I still missed the mark and something was still missing from my heart?

So as I sat and asked myself these questions, I found that my heart kept returning to Jesus and envisioning what He thinks is an extraordinary life.  Jesus first told us that love is the most important trait to have.  1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV says, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."  We know that God is love because He tells us throughout the Bible how much He loves us.  We read in 1 John 4:16 NIV, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." 

 I started thinking that having compassion for others is another way to live an extraordinary life.  Being on this path of widowhood, I have found that my heart is open to pour out compassion for others that are hurting.  Part of the healing process is to reach back and encourage others that are behind you on this journey.  God shows and tells us to have compassion as He has on His children.  Psalm 116:5 NIV tells us, "The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  Having a heart that pours compassion on hurting family and friends not only blesses the recipients, this action will also bless you.  Compassion opens your heart to allow love to flood and wash over you. 

Trusting God's will to guide you in good and bad times will definitely lead you to live an extraordinary life.  Every day I practice trusting God's vision and path for my life.  I find that surrendering to His will and trusting Him to work everything out in my life feels me up with joy and hope.  The best gift I can give myself is trusting Him with my journey.  Trusting Him in the good and bad times is what God wants us to do.  "In You, Lord my God, I put my trust." Psalm 25:1 NIV.  "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3 NIV.  I have found that trusting God is an every day struggle because it's our human nature to try and control every facet of our lives.  I have found that when I trust Him with my path, He always sets my feet in the right direction. 

I feel that living an extraordinary life has nothing to do at all with what the world views as being "successful".  I think living an extraordinary life is measured by how much you love others, how you shower compassion on your fellow human beings, and trusting God's will for your life.  When you allow God to shine through your life, you are drawing others toward God's light.  Matthew 5:16 NIV states, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  I refuse to live an ordinary life because I want God's light to shine through me and lead others to the salvation and grace that only God can give.  Leading non believers to God's love, compassion, and showing them what trusting God looks like is leading an extraordinary life.  Showing others that you are not just talking the talk, you are also walking the walk will hopefully lead them to sharing God's favors.  Imagine what this world would look like if we were all leading extraordinary lives and refusing to be ordinary. 

Lord, please help and direct me to lead an extraordinary life that reflects Your love and compassion.  Please help me every day to put my trust in You and only You because Your love never fails, it never disappoints, never abandons.  I pray that I become more Christ like each day so others can see You through me.  Thank you Lord for the trials and tribulations in my life because without them, I cannot glorify You through my good and bad times.  I pray that I draw others to want to know You and seek salvation.  Lord You are THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and The LIFE and I pray others will accept and surrender to You.  Thank you Lord for all You do for me.  In Your Precious Name I Pray..Amen!!

Jesus over worries!!

Don't worry about anything; instead , pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

WORRY!

We all do it; every single one of us.  There is a lot in this world to keep us up at night.  We have so much going on in our daily lives and there never seems to be enough time in the day.  I know I worry about issues that I know I shouldn't.  I worry about my daughter Emily, my family and friends, my house, my vehicle, my finances.  You name it and I sure can find time to worry about it.  Oh and let's add time to that list; there is never enough time to check everything off on the lists we make for ourselves or time to spend with each other.

I love this verse because God is telling us exactly how to handle that anxiety and stress.  He wants us to bring our worries and issues to Him through prayer.  As we tell Him what we need, in that same breath we are to thank Him for the blessings that He has given us.  I know this sounds strange, but when I have sat and started thanking Him for my blessings, I have found just how much I have to be thankful for.  The idea here is to see that your list of thanksgiving will be longer than the issues that you need to worry about.  I have felt the wash of thanksgiving come over me and I have felt that peace that only Christ Jesus can give me.

When we lay our issues at the cross, Jesus gives us peace that only He can give.  Peace and rest for the soul only comes from Jesus.  Nothing in this world will give you peace, true peace.  Worrying and stressing zaps the energy that can be used to pray and talk with Jesus.  That energy can be used to praise and thank Jesus for all that He has done.  Jesus tells us in John 16:33 NIV, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have over come the world." 

Whatever is troubling you, take it to Jesus tonight.  Tell Him the hurts of your heart, and what your heart is thankful for.  He will give you rest and peace.  I know that if I hadn't practice this after Kirk's passing, I would still be in a heap on my floor, not moving forward or finding joy in my life.  Jesus lifted me up and put me on my path of healing.  He will do the same for you, all you have to do is ask Him.

Lord, I pray that those of us that need rest and peace will bring their worries to you.  I pray that they find peace in Your presence and find it easy to start thanking You for the many blessings You pour over us every day.  Lord thank You for loving me!!  In Your precious name I pray Amen!!

New Name for my Blog

Hello all!!

I am so sorry for any confusion I may cause you with my blogs.  The end of last week I received a message from a lady that has been using my old name for her website and business for quite awhile and I guess somehow my blogs were "spamming" on her site.  I am not a tech person so I decided to just start fresh with a new name and blog address.  I also changed my Facebook page name and group name for those that are interested in either one of those sites.  I'm not sure how my material ended up on her site, but she did tell me that is was. I loved that name but this name has more meaning for me.  The K stands for Kirk, the A stands for me, and the E stands for Emily.  I am also interested in putting together little tote bags with some information on what I have learned being a widow and if there are children, adding little stuffed animals in the bag for them.  I have been wanting to do this and use our three initials to get this up and going so I thought I might as well have it all match. 

I did let this lady know that I was not using my old name to profit or "get something over on her" since I had no clue she was already using this name. 

I will still write my blogs with a Christian theme and try to encourage and give you hope for a different, but hopeful future.  Thank you for hanging with me and reading my blogs.  As always, if you find them helpful and know of other widows, widowers, or just anyone that can benefit from my writing please share with them.  If any questions, concerns, or more information to help you along your way please do not hesitate to contact me.  I am always here to help in whatever way I can. 

You are all a blessing to me and I pray for each and everyone of you each day.  I hope you find my writings to glorify my personal Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.  I try my best to write hope inspired blogs that reflect God's breathed word The Holy Bible. 

Thank you and much love!!

Angela