I Am Making All Things New

"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"  Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."   Revelation 21:5 NIV


Do you make New Year's resolutions?  I typically don't, I don't like to put pressure on myself and then get upset when I let myself down because most of the time; I do let myself down.  I know, it's human nature and we all deal with this time to time.  We either let ourselves down or others that are in our lives.  Each day I try to be better than what I was the day before.  Most days I succeed, and there are lots of days I fall short.  Every day I get up and get to try being better and that is a true blessing!!

This past year I did fulfill a mission that has been on my heart for two years.  I was able to join a local ministry in my hometown that serves women that find themselves in difficult life situations.  With Peace Restored and the blessing of it's founder Ann, we were able to reach out to local widows and offer them support, love, and compassion.  I have been beyond blessed to have met so many new and wonderful people that have hearts for Jesus and want to glorify Him through helping others. So many organizations stepped up and believe in our passion.  It has been a privilege to serve God and local women in need.  My heart finds true joy and is full!! Thank you to all that has shown support, love, and has prayed over us!! I'm excited to see where God takes this ministry and also where He directs Ann!!

We made it through Christmas together and now New Year's is here.  The holiday season is hard to get through without complications; but those of us that find ourselves alone have a harder time.  Christmas Day marked six and a half years since Kirk went Home.  The void he left is still big, open, and aching.  I know each one of you felt your own void for the past six weeks.  Does it get easier as each year passes?  Yeah it does in it's own way; however, that hole will always be there.  That seat at the table will always be empty no matter what our futures hold.  Kirk's absence will always be felt no matter if I am alone, or surrounded by 50 people.  That's just how it is.  We cannot change  what happened no matter how much we want to turn back the clock.  It's how we deal with that ache, that void, is what we need to focus on now. 

So my question to you, how are you dealing?

In my opinion, we have two choices.  We can take the path that leads to our self destruction.  This path is riddled with bitterness, sadness, loneliness, and unbearable pain.  This path is walked alone and does not include Jesus.  This journey rejects any help from others or from Him.  This path is in total darkness and you never get anywhere because you keep bumping into walls without doors.  You cannot see the light that is right there for the taking; so you walk around aimlessly with no hope in your heart.  Job 12:25 NIV says, "They grope around in darkness with no light; He makes them stagger around like drunkards."

The second choice is to cry out to Jesus for help.  He will walk with you and be your light.  Job 22:12 NIV tells us, "He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into the light."  Walking this journey with Jesus will help you with your sadness, loneliness, brokenness, and that ache that never leaves.  Will all of this suddenly disappear?  No, but with Him this walk will be bearable.  He will make a way and show us that we still can have an abundant life.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-30 NIV, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

This is what we have to do!!!  Give it to God and trust Him with our burdens.  The last words of the top verse I used from Revelation 21:5 says, for these words are trustworthy and true and they are!!  Trust that God has a plan for you.  Leave your burdens at the cross and trust God.  This isn't something that you just do; you have to work on it day by day.  When you feel anxiety about the future or about any part of your life; stop, breathe, pray, and lay it at the cross.  I know it's hard, trust me I have battled with this too.  But I can also tell you that when I have trusted Him, my life is lighter and I feel free to live and enjoy myself. 

Jesus is with you and for you!! He loves you so much He sacrificed His own life for you!!  His life and death is a gift to every single one of us.  He didn't come just for one or two groups of us, He came for ALL of us.  John 3:16 NIV says, "For God so loved the WORLD that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  Jesus came for you, me, all of us. 

Will YOU accept His gift?  It's free for you but cost Him everything.  I pray that for this coming new year that if you haven't already accepted His gift , you will in this new year.  I pray that if you have already accepted His gift, you will trust Him with every part of your life and live the abundant life that He wants you to live.  John 10:10 NIV Jesus tells us, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Lord, thank you for bringing us through another year.  I pray that each of us lay our burdens at the cross so that we all will live the life You want us to have.  I pray for showers of blessings for each of us in this new year and that we all feel peace, joy, and comfort in our pain.  Lord I pray that we all follow the path that leads to You and our Eternal Home.  In Your Precious Name we pray..Amen!!

Happy New Year to each and every one of you and I hope you all have been able to spend precious time with the ones you love!!  Thank you for blessing me by reading my words and sharing with those in need!!  Love to each one of you!!

The struggle is real Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

 

I found this cup at Walmart last year and thought wow, this is so truthful.  The struggle is real for so many of us!!  I hope you find this encouraging for today and always.  God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!  I am so grateful for all of you and the roles you all play in my life.  My daughter is my true blessing from God, and without Kirk who God sent to me as a miracle, I wouldn't have our Emily.

I am grateful for each and every one of you.  There are way too many of you to name but each of you know who you are!!!  I have so many friends and family that stood next to us during our most darkest of times, and then I have so many new friends that have been a true blessing and seen me thrive and fly out of the darkness.  I have so many widow sisters that I continually pray for every day, along with their families.  Each and every one of you are so special to my heart.

My Lord and Savior is my biggest blessing!!  He rescued me when I was down in a pit that no one that hasn't been on this path can fathom.  He held out His hand and pulled me up!!!  I am so thankful for His precious blood to cleanse me of this world!!  He taught me to put my eyes upward and to praise and trust Him in all circumstances, good or bad.  So for me, I will continue to praise His Holy Name and trust Him with everything in my life.  I was doing a terrible job by myself, but He has blessed me beyond measure.

I know it's hard for some to think about being thankful when you have endured so much pain and heartache.  I get it, I was there with you not too long ago.  But I am here to tell you that if you surrender and give your throne to the rightful owner, you will feel so much peace.  You will be able to find joy and happiness once again.  It is a reality with Jesus! 

Here are a few scriptures that you can read and meditate on as we go through this Thanksgiving weekend.  I know it's a hard weekend so many of us, but together and with Jesus we will get through and enjoy the time with family and friends. 

Psalm 69:30  "I will praise God's name in song and glorify Him with thanksgiving."

Philippians 4:6 NIV "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God."

Lamentations 3:65-67 "I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit.  You heard my plea: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." You came near when I called You, and You said, "Do not fear."

I pray that you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving and will celebrate with family and friends.  I pray for a safe and protected travels for each of you and I pray for peace, joy, comfort, and healing.  I love each and every one of you!!!

Afflicted in Pain

"But as for me, afflicted and in pain-may your salvation, God, protect me." Psalm 69:29 NIV

PAIN - PLATFORM OR PRISON

These past two weeks have been crazy to say the least.  I received either texts or calls from several friends and family members informing me of sick loved ones or deaths.  I don't remember a time when I received so much bad news in a short period of time.  I'm not going to lie, a day or two it was too overwhelming.  When my phone rang or text notification came through, I reluctantly answered.  On the other end, I would learn of heartbroken family and friends dealing with difficult situations; real life chaos.  My heart goes out for every single one of you, always know that.  I have been praying for so many loved ones.

Why do bad things happen to good people?  We ask ourselves this question every time we hear awful news.  In quiet times after Kirk passed, I would sit and ask God why?  Why did this have to happen to him, to us.  Jesus answers this question in John16:33 NIV.  He says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Jesus answers this question plainly.  He tells us, gives us a warning that we will have trouble in this life.  He tells us that our lives will not be picture perfect and that there are no guarantees.  The ONLY guarantee we do have is HIM!!!  In HIM, we can have peace when the waves are crashing on us so hard we can't catch a breath.  In HIM, we can have hope that He is with us and for us.  Our God is a great God and he will never leave  or forsake us!!! 

Our Savior has conquered this world and overcame the grave!!  We have that firm foundation to stand on!!

I went to a celebration of life of a man that is close to our family.  His youngest son gave his eulogy and at the beginning he said, "Our pain can be a prison or a platform."  Wow I was blown away!! How true is that?  I believe it's very true.

For me personally, I had a big decision to make after Kirk suddenly passed.  How was I going to respond to this journey that I was thrust on; a journey that I didn't want.

I knew that I didn't want to be a prisoner of the pain.  I made the decision that I had to reach out to God and cry out for relief.  I knew I couldn't do this journey alone.  Psalm 16:8 NIV states, "I keep my eyes on the Lord.  With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  With His help, I was able to start this journey with Him upholding me. 

Another thing I knew was that I wanted to make my grief a platform to help others that are just starting or having problems with their paths.  After much praying and God's nudges and intervention, I have been blessed to be able to help several women.  I was also blessed to have been introduced to Ann of Peace Restored and to start a relationship of helping and serving widows in our area.  With this pain in my platform, I am able to bless others with my journey. 

In my case, to try to make sense of the age old question: Why do bad things happen to good people?  It's because these bad things are used for God's good and purpose.  See, my bad thing has helped several women, children, and a couple of men to see the good in this life; to show them what endurance, patience, faith and trust looks like in the face of tragedy.  My life shows others that you can do this, you can live through the grief, and one day you will thrive and find joy and happiness again. 

What do you choose?  Have you chosen being a prisoner of your pain or have you decided to use your pain as a platform?  I sure hope you chose the latter and be a light in someone else's darkness.  This world needs many lights shining for God's glory.

Will you be a light for Him? 

Lord, thank you for blessing me beyond measure.  I still don't understand the pain and this journey that I'm on, but I am blessed to have You by my side every step.  Lord I pray that I can be a light for at least one person in my life and all the Glory goes to You.  It's in Your Precious Name I pray..Amen!!

Relax and Replenish

Happy Fall!!

Where I live, fall is in the air.  The air is crisp and the leaves started changing color overnight.  One day it was a green view, and the next morning colors starting bursting on the trees.  This is my favorite time of year.  The scenery is beyond amazing and it's time to bring out cozy sweaters. 

This year I decided to take the entire week off for Emily's fall break.  I normally take three days off but his year I decided I needed some extra time.  We always have our fall break planned down day by day so I thought it would be nice to relax and just enjoy the week.  I am so glad I took the break.  It does the body and soul good to just stop and take a breath. 

In Jeremiah 31:25 NIV God tells us, "I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint."  I certainly need to remember this when I let myself run on an empty tank.  This journey will test every aspect of our lives; emotional, spiritual, physical, and mentally.  It's not unusual to wake up and feel the weight of the world crushing us.  When this happens, you have to give yourself permission to take some time for yourself. 

Find what helps you to relax and renew your spirit.  Whether it's reading a book, watching movies, spending time with family and friends, or sitting by a body of water; find time to enjoy these activities.  God made us to enjoy the beauty in life and to live a life of abundance and joy.  Allowing yourself to enjoy activities and hobbies will help you relax and replenish. 

Something that I love to do is watch big birds soar in the sky.  I have big windows by my desk at work and I have had the pleasure of watching several big birds expand their wings and just glide in the wind.  I sit and imagine how peaceful and relaxing that has to be.   Watching them reminds me of a passage in Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV, "Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the Earth, He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I know being on this widow journey is hard, complicated, exhausting, and mentally and emotionally taxing.  But just know that the Lord is with you.  When you feel worn down, open your Bible and I encourage a great devotional and let the scriptures soothe your soul.  Let God's Word give you hope and joy.  Scripture will feel the void and lift you up. 

All you have to do is be still and trust!!  Our God is an awesome God!!!  Remember Psalm 46:10 NIV, "Be still, and know that I am God."

Lord I pray for a renewal of our bodies and spirit.  I pray that when we feel we can not go a step more, we reach out to you for that rejuvenation.  Only you Lord, can fill our souls and lift us to beautiful heights.  I pray over all of these beautiful widows and their families.  Lord I pray that they allow themselves to be refreshed!!!  In Your Sweet Precious Name I pray..Amen!!!

Unburden Youself

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"  Matthew 11:28 NIV


While Emily and I were shopping a couple of days ago, we found a few things that we needed and got in line to pay.  As we were waiting, I noticed the woman in front of me was struggling to get her money to pay for her purchases.  She finally had to put her purse on the counter to fish for her wallet.  Her purse was large and full to capacity.  I imagined how heavy that purse must be resting on her shoulders and how many times she has to shift it so that each shoulder got rest.  I thought about how that pain might radiate down her back at night once she got home to rest.  The burden of the weight of her purse has to affect her physically each day. 

Thinking about this, my mind shifted to the burden we put on ourselves everyday due to worries, anxieties, and fears.  We also can feel burden from grieving, addictions, brokenness, and sin.  The weight of only one of these symptoms can be overwhelming.  Most of us carry several of these around within ourselves every single day.  The weight can be crushing, suffocating. 

Do you feel like this?  Do you feel crushed by grief?  Does the fear of your future leave you feeling helpless, alone? 

Please know that you are never alone in your burden.  Always remember you do not have to walk this journey by yourself.  Not only do you have so many sisters that are walking this path with you; feeling the same pressures as you.  But know we have a Savior, King of all Kings walking beside us every second.  In Matthew 11:28 NIV Jesus says, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 

What Jesus is saying here is for us to take those worries, anxieties, fears; our grief, addictions, sins, and brokenness and nail them to the cross.  Hand it over to Him and let Him carry the burden for you.  He will give your soul rest. 

Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 11:29-30 NIV, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

Jesus wants each of us to give Him all that weighs us down.  He wants to carry our burdens so that our yoke will be light.  When we give it all to Him and trust Him to work through us, we have more space in our souls for joy, peace, love, and patience.  We can then encourage others to follow our lead and show them how great God is!!!  He is the ultimate Counselor, Healer, Father!!

Do you want to lighten the load you carry around?  Give it all to Jesus!!  Trust Him to lift your burdens and you will not be weary one second longer.  Psalm 25:1 NIV, "In you, Lord my God, I put my trust."  Trust Him, cast all of your burdens!!

Lord, I pray that all of us right now lay all of our burdens at the foot of the cross.  I pray for rest for all of us as we give You are burdens.  Lord, You came to give life abundantly and I pray that all of us will lay down our burdens so our light yokes will allow for joy, love, and trust.  Thank you Lord for taking our burdens upon Yourself.  Your mercy and grace is astounding.  It's in Your Precious Name I pray, Amen!!

Labor Day Memories!!

HAPPY LABOR DAY!!!

Another summer is coming to a close. The old saying that the years go by faster the older you get is so true isn't it?  I can't believe it's already September 2017.  Life happens fast.

Some of you may not be aware, but I live in close proximity to Indianapolis, Indiana.  We are dubbed the "Racing Capital of the World'.  And having lived here my whole life I can attest that it's true.  We have the Indianapolis Motor Speedway that is incredible just in track size and activities that are hosted every year.  We have the Greatest Spectacle in Racing;  The Indianapolis 500.  Nascar shows up a couple of months later for the Brickyard 400.

And then a small town to the west of Indianapolis named Clermont houses our drag strip that every Labor Day drag racers from all across the world come for what they nicknamed the Big Go, which is put on by the NHRA. The true name is U.S. Nationals and it's the crown jewel of drag racing.  Every drag racer dreams of winning this event; others dream of being on a team that competes there.

One of these men was my late husband Kirk.  He is in the red shirt in the above picture.  He loved drag racing. Labor Day every year consisted of us going to Clermont to watch the US Nationals. And then one year a couple of years before he suddenly went Home, he got a chance to work on an alcohol funny car.  He found a gentleman that was asking for help so Kirk reached out to him and he gave Kirk a chance.  Kirk didn't walk into the adventure without experience.  He had helped his uncle when they lived northwest of Houston build and race a dragster and then they built and raced a Camaro at a local drag strip here in Indy.  Helping this guy at the U.S. Nationals was a HUGE deal for Kirk.  He was tired but had a huge smile on his face when he came home each night.  It was so great seeing him get to live out a dream.  Looking back on it now, it's one of the best memories I have of Kirk.  Remembering his smile through an exhausted face is priceless.

I bet you have similar memories of your beloved.  Having those memories are a special gift that we are left with.  I believe that God gives us these memories to help us to remember happiness and joy.  I know it's hard to feel happiness and joy on most days, but remember that God created us to feel these emotions.  He wants us to be happy and joyful beings.  John 15:10-11 NIV says, "If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in His love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." 

When I look at the picture above, my heart overflows with joy for Kirk.  Not many people get a chance to live out their dream and there he is, working on a top alcohol funny car.  This is a hard weekend for us.  Our memories are of Kirk either physically being at the race or watching it live on tv.  But we have those special memories of being at the track together, meeting drivers, and witnessing the loudest and fastest vehicles you will ever see and feel.  And by feel I mean the tremble you feel down in your chest and the hair on your arms stand.  Amazing machines!!

Take some time today and in the next week and think of those special memories you have of your spouse.  Let those special memories bring a smile to your face and let that joy and hope invade your heart.  God promises us joy, hope, and love; it's there for us.  Romans 15:13 NIV tells us, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Tap into that power!!  Let hope, peace, and joy overflow within you and trust that God has a plan for you.  I know it's not the plans you had for you and your family, but trust that God's plans are good because they are!!!  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Trust God!! 

I pray that you all have a relaxing and restful holiday!! 

Lord, thank you for blessing me beyond measure.  Thank you for these special memories that I can share about Kirk.  Thank you for blessing me with 23 years of knowing and loving him and being able to share his moment in the sun at the Nationals.  I pray that my sister widows can remember their beloveds and find joy, hope and peace!!  It's in Your Precious Name I pray Amen!!

Face the Changes

"I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed." Malachi 3.6

Changes are rough, no matter what it is.  I know I have written about this before but I want to address it again.  I want to encourage you and give hope. 

When we became widowed, the overwhelming changes can sweep you away like an ocean current.  Trust me..I know this all too well.  So many decisions to make, so many questions need to be answered, so many concerns we aren't prepared to face. 

I know these changes can feel like icebergs and you are sailing toward them like the Titantic.  I know when I first became a widow, I had to make some fast and big decisions about Kirk's business and how to proceed with closing the business and paying off his debts.  I sought help and advice from my family, namely my dad since he is also a business owner.  He made so many calls for me and pointed me toward a great lawyer and from there we were able to knock out each situation and issue one by one.  From there I made decisions slowly, methodically, and in my own time.  Day by day, month by month, and now year by year; I faced each change and found a "new normal".

Once I got through the rough changes, I started looking forward to good changes.  I remodeled and decorated my house little by little.  One of the biggest changes we did for ourselves was to travel to places we always wanted to go.  We didn't travel very much before Kirk passed away.  We made a decision to be more adventurous so we went to California, cruised the Caribbean, and just did a girls trip to Florida and Pigeon Forge.

Facing changes is inevitable; but HOW you face them is so important. 

Taking time out for yourself and your family is great medicine for the soul.  Getting rest and re-energizing your spirit is a must on this journey.

Also, never forget that even though your life has changed dramatically, God hasn't changed.  He is the same faithful, loving, all knowing God that He was before your world turned upside down.  Malachi 3:6 tells us, "I the Lord do not change."  God has never changed, He is always by our side walking with us.  He knows the tough changes we face; He knows them before we know.  He is ahead of us, leading us on our path. 

Trusting in His word is vital for the journey we are on.  None of us would have chosen this life, but living with hope in our hearts can carry us in the darkest of nights.  Isaiah 26:4 NIV states, "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock eternal." 

When changes are bogging your down and you find yourself heavy in heart, keep moving and keep fighting.  Remember that the Lord is beside you fighting for you.  Exodus 14:14 NIV tells us this, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."  He does not want you to be overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed.  He wants you to have peace, comfort, and joy.  I know some of you are in a place where you can't imagine ever feeling this way again, but I am here to tell you it can and it will.  Trust the Lord, He will lead you beside those still waters.  He will give you rest and hope. 

Lord I pray that these wonderful, beautiful women find rest, peace, healing and joy even when they feel they cannot go on one more minute.  You are our eternal Rock, our wonderful Father, and Great Healer and I pray that we lean into You and be still.  Thank you Lord for being by our side through the many changes we face on this journey.  You are Faithful.  It's in Your Precious Name I pray..Amen!!

We Are Enough

 

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Proverbs 5:9 NIV


Happy Summer everyone!!

I am amazed that it's already the middle of July.  School is coming up fast and another season of high school soccer is upon us.  I'm excited and thankful that my daughter is healthy and happy.  That is a true blessing!!

Our summer was full of blessings.  We got to go to a Florida beach and hang out.  We did a girl's trip with my sister and niece.  The picture above was taken by my sister.  I love it.  The contrast of the colors with the sunset behind is amazing.  This picture is not photo shopped.  We seen this as we were heading back to the marina after a dolphin watching trip.  God's art work always amazes me.  What precious gems he gifts us when we least expect it. 

Our trip was a true blessing and I am so thankful that God gave us the opportunity to spend valuable time together, just us girls.  The trip was bittersweet because the day after we left was the 6th anniversary of Kirk's passing.  We got to the beach around 4 that day.  It was incredible to breathe in the ocean air and remember the good times with Kirk.  I am truly blessed to have been married to him and to share the birth of our girl together.  I always counted Kirk as a wonder for us finding each other; and Emily as our special miracle from God.  She is a true gift.  Thank you Lord for the blessings!!  I am so thankful beyond measure!

I know this time of year can be hard seeing pictures of families enjoying their summer trips together.  I know as a solo parent, seeing families during vacation is hard.  I look at these families and think how awesome it is for them to all be together sharing precious moments and making special memories together.  I found myself feeling down a few times just because of Kirk's anniversary and seeing happy families.  I had to remind myself that it was the enemy trying to keep me from enjoying my time with my sister, niece, and Emily.  He likes to steal our joy and make it seem we aren't enough.  I'm here to tell you we are enough and we were enough.  When these feelings well up inside of you, reflect on John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." NIV

I know it's hard to think you can have a full and enjoyable life, but I'm here to tell you that you can.  You have to trust that God will see you on your path and that He will bless you for that faith.  Proverbs 3:6 states, "in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Giving in fully and letting go of control of your own life is hard, I know this first hand.  But once you relent your life to God, wow!! What a relief!!!  I had to come to a point where I just said, Lord I can't do this any longer.  I cannot be in the driver's seat anymore.  I am so exhausted and spent.  I know in my heart that it is a sin to try and control situations, events, emotions, and most certainly other people.  I found that it was time to allow myself to grieve, cry, hope, laugh, and love!!!  And most importantly, TRUST!!  Trusting God with everything in your life is one of the best presents you can give yourself. 

God loves you and nothing can separate His love for you!!!  He wants you to see this time of your life as a chapter, and with every book chapters end and new ones begin.  Trust that God will pull you through this chapter and that He has a new and great one waiting for you.  In His time He will let us turn that page and we will be amazed at the beauty of the next chapter.  We just have to be patient and trust that in His time, we will be truly blessed.

Lord I pray that while we patiently wait for Your next chapter for us, we will see the beauty in the chapter that we are in.  I pray that we are reminded every day that we are enough because You love us and we are Your children.  I pray for every person reading this that they find joy, peace, comfort, and healing.  Lord thank you for the many blessings that you have given us.  You are faithful and a good, good Father.  In Your Precious Name..Amen

Eyes on our sweet Prince!!

"Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for He shall pluck my feet out of the net." Psalm 25:15 KJY


Happy Summer!!

Today is June 1st.  June, the month that is bittersweet for me.  On one hand, it's the start of summer which means vacations, picnics, family gatherings, and celebrations of all kinds.  On the other hand, June is a month filled with days of reminders of a life that once was. 

Wedding anniversary June 12th
Father's Day June 18th
Kirk's angelversary June 25th

Last month was his birthday and July holds Emily's birthday; her sweet 16 birthday!!

So many reminders that Kirk is not here with us.

So easy for sorrow to overwhelm and take our attention off of God.

The most important lesson I have learned on my journey is to not lose that focus.  When life gets messy and you don't think you can make it one more minute; turn your focus back on God.  Do not allow the enemy to take your attention.  He thrives on separating us from our relationship with God.  God never moves, never changes; we do.  Psalm 25:15 KJY says, "Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for He shall pluck my feet out of the net."  He is always there.  All we have to do is lean into His presence. 

For those of you that don't know, we lost Kirk almost 6 years ago in a tragic accident that happened in his mechanics shop.  It was a sudden death that ripped us in two.  This Memorial weekend, we were reminded how precious life is and how sudden it can end.  A young mom and wife in our neighborhood was killed tragically in an automobile accident.  She has two sons and was pregnant with her third.  Our hearts hurt so bad for her husband and two young sons.  Talking with his family and seeing their eyes brought me back to almost six years ago when we were the ones on that other side.  Please keep her family and friends in your prayers. 

Going forward, please know that you are not alone and you are loved beyond measure.  I know there are times that you might lose hope and feel like you are forgotten.  But don't buy into this.  God is there with you always!!  Lean on Him and I promise you will find peace, love, compassion, and healing.  Philippians 4:7 tells us, "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Lean into this truth and bask in His unfailing love.  Psalm 13:5 NIV says, "But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation."

I know we all have our tough days that we share with our beloved.  Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to grieve and also to rejoice.  Our loved ones may not be with us physically; but with Jesus's unselfish sacrifice for all of us, He paved the way for glorious and sweet reunions in Heaven!! 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33NIV

Lord, I pray for peace and healing for all that are grieving and battling deep issues.  I pray for comfort Lord.  I pray that we keep our eyes on You and that we feel Your presence.  What a comfort You are to our souls, hearts, and minds.  Thank you Lord for all blessings!!  In Your Precious Name I pray...Amen!!

Value in the Valley!!

"Value in the Valley" - a saying from my senior Pastor of my Church from last weekend's service

Happy Easter to everyone!!

During last weekend's service at my church, our senior Pastor made this statement and it got my attention.  Value in the Valley!!!  So I have been pondering this statement and I wanted to ask you this simple question:

Do you think there is value in the valley?

As widows, we sure do know what it feels like to be in a valley don't we?  The feelings of loneliness and hopelessness; feelings of being lost and overwhelmed.  We feel like no one understands the burden on our hearts and souls.  The heaviness of grief can cause major depression and deep despair for many of us.  As we stand in our own valleys, we can't see any mountaintops.  You feel so alone and fearful. 

But I want to let you know that there IS value in the valley!!  And I want you to know that YOU are NOT ALONE!! 

While we are in the valley, we need to use this time to draw closer to Jesus.  He wants us to get to know Him better.  He wants you to know that you are NOT alone.  He is right there next to you; He will never leave your side.  Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV tells us, "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

How will you choose to use your time in the valley? 

I know some of you might be newer to this journey, while some of you like me, have been in the valley for quite some time.  I'm coming up on our sixth year mark in June.  In my six years, I have used this time to learn about Jesus and trust His plan for me and Emily.  I have used this time to study His word and lean on Him.  As time has passed, I now use this time to reach back and try to encourage other widows in their valleys.  I started this blog and have met with other widows locally and connecting with other widows through social media and attended a widow's conference.  By using my time this way, I feel blessed in getting to know other's that "get it" and I hope I bless them in some small way. 

Also in this valley, I have been getting help through my county's foundation to get my idea of bags filled with faith based books and helpful resources along with gifts for the children of the grieving families.  I can say that I am one step closer in fulfilling this idea that will not only help these grieving families, but also give all the glory to the One that gave me this vision.  I'll have more information on this hopefully in the coming month. 

As you experience this chapter of your life, please know that you are NOT alone.  There are so many of us with you.  Jesus is right there with you.  He loves and cares for you.  Always remember, Jesus went ahead of you and endured the Cross.  He died so we may live.  He suffered and sacrificed Himself so that we may have everlasting life in Him. 

In John 16:33 NIV Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!! I have overcome the world." 

We have His promises that no matter what our struggles are here on Earth, He is with us always.  In our valleys we can find hope, love, joy, peace, healing, and comfort.  Use your time to read His word and pray!!  Learn to trust and lean on Him.  Bring all of your fears and worries to Him and lay them at the Cross.  He is listening!!

Father God, thank You for loving us so much that you gave Your One and only Son to die for us.  Thank you for delivering us from our sins and reconciling us back to You.  Lord I pray in thanksgiving for being with us in our valleys.  It can be lonely and scary, but with You we can find peace and healing.  I pray that my widow sisters seek You in their valleys and they lean on and trust You.  Thank you for Easter Lord!!!  In Your Precious Name I pray...Amen!!

Let God!!

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

Do you enjoy watching movies?

I love watching movies.  I love a great story to escape into for a couple of hours.  Some movies engulf you and take you to far away places.  Movies can help us see life differently.  I've seen movies that have made me feel uncomfortable; make me cry; make me ugly cry!!!!  I prefer movies that make me laugh and help me forget, even if just for a few hours, the reality that I live each day. 

So now you are wondering why I have a picture of one of the most iconic movies of our generation on my post.  This movie made me cry, ugly cry, laugh, and made it seem as if I were on that ship.    Jack and Rose were the two central characters in Titantic.  They fell in love on that doomed voyage.  The above pic is toward the end of the movie as the ship was sinking and they were in the sea together hoping to be rescued.  They both were not able to get on a piece of the wreckage so Jack put Rose on the wreckage as he waded in the frigid ocean.  As we all know, and if you don't this is a spoiler alert, Jack dies while waiting to be rescued.  Rose is left alone to float on that wreckage until she is finally rescued.  Even though the characters of Rose and Jack are fictional, the tragedy of the Titantic is a real life tragedy. 

As I sat and watched this movie again, I realized that my life as a widow sometimes feels like I'm floating on a piece of wreckage from my real life tragedy.  After Kirk passed away, there were days that I felt like I was floating on my past life with no help or rescue in sight.  Did you or have you ever felt this way?  One minute you had solid footing and living a life that was blessed with your own beautiful love story and then a death happened that threw you overboard.  One minute you were king and queen of the world; and then without fair warning you were alone floating in a sea of unknown. 

I know it's scary because I've been there.  I know it can be scary because sometimes I am right back on that wreckage looking around for a rescue.  This happens when I allow fear and doubt creep into my mind.  When this happens, I take a time out and go to Scripture to allow myself to be saved from the wreckage.  Here are some passages I have found to help when I need to be rescued from myself.

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV  "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." 

Psalm 55:22 NIV "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never let the righteous be shaken."

Psalm 46:1 NIV  "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 31:2 NIV "Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me."

These are just a few Scriptures that demonstrate God is our One and only true Rescuer.  Only God can give us peace and comfort in our times of trouble.  His promises are always there for us.  Our enemy wants us to be scared and feel alone because he knows that it's our human nature to shift blame.  Sometimes we can blame God and get angry due to the situation we find ourselves.  The key is to go back to the Bible and remember that God is our Refuge and Strength.  He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. We all must remember God's promises so we do not fall into the enemy's trap. 

My best advice to the ones that are feeling alone and afraid is for you to read your Bible daily. Another tip that is very helpful is to surround yourself with Godly friends that can help point you to Scriptures and to God.  I have made so many Godly friends since Kirk passed and I cannot thank them enough for pouring their heart and spirit into me so I will be able to go on for another day.  Pray and tell God all of your worries and fears.  He WANTS you to pour your heart out to Him.  I can tell you that it works and helps!! Finally, find some other widows that you can relate to.  Finding other women that "get it" and can offer the support that you need is amazing. 

I pray for each one of you every day!!!  I know the feeling of floating on the wreckage of my old life.  But I know trusting God with my future is the best comfort for me.  Let God rescue you off of your wreckage.  Only God can put your wreckage pieces back together for you.  It won't be the same when He is finished but that's okay.  Your new can be beautiful and full of hope.  Out of the wreckage and ashes of your old life can spring up new hope, dreams, and great possibilities. LET GOD!!! 

I want to ask for prayers for this coming Tuesday, March 28th.  I will be attending a second meeting with my county's foundation to discuss my bags for widows idea.  I am excited and with God's will I know it will happen.  If it's His will nothing will stand in the way of Emily and I to be able to help out families that have recently lost a spouse and a mom/dad.  I have left it in God's hands and I'm trusting Him. 

God, all glory to you for rescuing us in our time of trouble and doubt.  You hear our cries and prayers and always deliver us from harm.  Lord I trust You and You alone with my life.  I pray that those reading this post will trust you and put their hope and faith in You.  Thank you Lord for rescuing me from my life's wreckage.  Without You, I have nothing and would still be floating with no direction and no destination.  With you, I have hope for a beautiful future that will glorify You.  It's in Your Precious Name I pray...Amen!!!

Valentine's Day remembrance

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

"And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV


Is it me or is this year also flying by?  Can you believe it's already the middle of February? 

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, a day that so many of us dread. 

Memories of Valentine's Day with Kirk naturally flood my mind.  He wasn't the most romantic man, but he always made sure he brought home something for me, and then for Emily after she was born.  He would always pop by a Hallmark store on his way home from his shop and bring back a card and candy.  Sometimes he would bring home pretty flowers; a couple of times he even thought ahead and ordered flowers.  I can tell you that the most precious reminders of his love for me are the handwritten letters he gave me on a couple of Valentine's Days.  I still read them from time to time and treasure them.  The last one he wrote me was his last Valentine's Day we shared.  I read it every February 14th in private.  It's a way for me to sit, reflect, and let Kirk's love fill me. 

Do you have treasured letters or cards from your beloved that you read from time to time? 

Do you let God's word fill you up? 

Do you know that He is always with you and loves you? 

God loves you beyond measure.  He loves all of His children.  Even though our husbands are no longer with us in physical form does not mean you are not loved well.  He loved us first and His love is all consuming.  1 John 4:19 NIV tells us, "We love because He first loved us." 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NIV

God loves us and that love fills me up every single second of every single day!! This Valentine's Day immerse yourself in His word and fill your empty tank.  God's precious words of love will speak to your heart and you, in return, can pay back that love to your family, friends, coworkers.  Take Valentine's Day and make it a happy day by blessing others.  Showing Jesus's character will bless so many around you; including yourself.

This weekend we had another reminder of how precious life is.  I ask that if you have some time, if you would say some prayers for a special widow sister that I met when I attended a conference back in November of 2014.  She had lost her first husband and had remarried by the time I met her at the conference. They have four young children. They had adopted three children and are fostering a fourth child. They had recently moved and were just starting a brand new journey together.  Prayers for them are priceless and we are asking everyone to please lift them up with your prayers.  My heart breaks for all of them.  The children are young and haven't been with them for very long.  She is doing as good as she can and just asks for all of us to pray.  Life is so precious, so short and I try not to take any second that God gives me for granted. 

So this Valentine's Day will you say a prayer for Leah and her children and all of their family and friends? 

I pray that you will let God's love fill you up, not only for Valentine's Day, but every day.  Read His word, His love letter to all of us.  Let His love wash over you and give you hope, joy, and peace.  He comforts all who mourn.

 Matthew 5:4 NIV, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Pain in Widowhood

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Psalm 46:1 NIV

The nights after Kirk's sudden passing, I would lay in bed and let the grief wash over me life a 60 foot wave.  The crashing of this wave would hit me so hard, there were times I couldn't breathe, couldn't move an inch.  There was no escaping this huge wall of grief and the pain was so intense that I didn't know if I could live another minute.  The pain that drilled into my heart and soul was unbearable.  I didn't know how I was going to get through the night, the next day, the next week.  Are you there now?  Did you feel that same way after your spouse or a very close person that you love passed on?  You know that pain very well, unfortunately. 

There are/were times that I sit and try to wrap my mind around the fact that Kirk is gone.  I am now a widow and I have a child that I am solely responsible in her upbringing.  I never imagined being here, I never imagined being a widow at this young of an age.  I never imagined that my daughter would have to grow up without her daddy.  It's heartbreaking from the inside so I can only imagine how my family and friends feel about our situation. 

One of the first decisions Emily and I made into our journey was that we were not going to let this tragedy make us bitter.  We wanted to show everyone that we could not only survive, but thrive from our pain and loss.  We turned to our One and only True lifeguard, Jesus.  We believe wholeheartedly in the scripture Psalm 46:1 NIV, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."   Do you believe this?  I sure hope you do because it's true.  He is always there in good times, and in bad times, and in our worst times.  He is always there loving and comforting us. 

Last week at the church I attend, our pastor talked about God using our pain to draw near to us and I believe that.  I also believe that God uses our pain and turns it into something that we can use for the good of others.  Since being a widow, I have met and found so many other widows that are doing amazing things for the widow community.  There are so many widows that write as I do; have started non for profit organizations that help other widows.  I have been involved in groups of grieving woman and we have lifted each other up in our sorrow.  In Romans 8:28 we read, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."   God has used pain so that many of us can reach out and help others.  Helping other widows by telling my story and listening to their stories not only helps in the healing process, but it's such a blessing for me.  God has blessed me through my pain so that I may reach back and show His glory of healing, compassion, and strength.

I know it's easy to feel like you are alone on this path, but always remember you are NOT ALONE!!  You not only have a whole community of widows that know exactly what you are going through, but you have a God that is always present and willing to shower His love on you.  He tells us this in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

Never forgot that!! You have the King of all Kings, the Lord of all Lords, the Maker of the universe, the Alpha and Omega in YOUR corner!!!  How absolutely amazing is that?!!  I feel it's above and beyond anything else!!!  EVER!!  When you feel like you are drowning, reach out and grab hold of the ultimate Lifeguard!!

With this being February, the month of love, please reach out to someone that you feel needs someone to uplift them.  Or if you are the one that needs uplifting, please reach out and tell someone that you need them.  Never suffer alone, sometimes just having someone sit silently with you and hold your hand is all you need at that moment.  Remember you can always reach out to me, even if you just need a special prayer.  I always pray for all of you, you are never far from my thoughts.  I know exactly your pain and struggles, and so does God!!

Lord, I pray for all of these special women and their amazing families.  I pray for comfort and strength in their journey.  I pray they reach out to You Lord.  Thank you for always being by our side and showering us with Your love and grace. In Your Precious Name I pray Amen.