THE JACKET
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34
As many of you are aware, I am part of a local women's ministry in my hometown called Peace Restored. I have the privilege to be the Young Widow's Club Coordinator for the past five years. In the past five years I have seen our organization grow; even through the challenges of Covid 19. Our group has grown from 1 in October 2017 to 35 on paper today. God has been so good to the organization and to our group. We always say we are in a group that we don't want to be a part of, but are so blessed to have each other.
This year we were blessed to be able to have our annual gala as our major fundraiser. Since we are a non for profit, we must raise funds by fundraisers, donations, and grants. Covid put a stop to our gala for 2020 and 2021, but God made a way for us to be able to host a beautiful evening of generosity, compassion, and glitter. Yes, it was semi formal so many of us were dressed in beautiful dresses and black ties.
As the date grew closer, we were blessed to have one gentleman donate a whole table so several of the ladies from the group were able to attend the gala at no cost to them. Since we have many ladies in the group, I decided to do a birthday fundraiser on Facebook so that I could try to raise enough funds for a second table so more of the ladies would be able to attend. God worked on several hearts and through His grace, we were able to fund a complete second table for the group. After we sat and invited the ladies to the gala at no cost to them, they were able to start planning their outfits for the evening. It was such a blessing to hear them talk about their plans and to see pictures of their dresses. Seeing their smiles and excitement was such a blessing.
During this time, my daughter had asked about flannel shirts that Kirk would wear almost year round. I had packed away all of Kirk's shirts, jeans, and other clothing in two totes a few months after he had passed. I then put them away in a shed in our backyard. We decided to get the totes so we could find his flannels but unfortunately, they were not in the totes. As she unpacked the totes, she found his suit the he had bought for his grandmother's funeral in 2000. She took the jacket out and handed it to me. Instantly, I tried the on the jacket and asked how it looked. Kirk was over 6 feet tall so the sleeves were too long for me. After talking to her for a couple of minutes, I decided that I would get it altered and wear it to the gala. What better way to honor Kirk at a gala with my group of wisters attending with me. I took the jacket to get altered and then off to the dry cleaners. I was so excited to be able to wear his jacket.
Wearing this jacket meant so much to me. Kirk was my best friend, the father of our beautiful daughter Emily, a wonder son and son in law. He was such a great husband to me; the love of my life. He meant so much to so many different people. But most of all, he loved Jesus and was just a beautiful soul. When we lost him in June 2011, our world stopped. Life as we knew it was over. The "normal" that we were accustomed to, it was long gone. A new "normal" that we did not want, was inevitable. Our world was torn apart and we did not know how it could, or ever would, be put back together. We had to learn to surrender our entire lives to God. We had to give up complete control, not that we ever had control, of everything to Him.
Going through this journey, you learn of the many phases of the path. When my walk started, I was told that I would get to a place of giving back and thankfulness. In my mind I thought that my counselor was wrong. There was no way I would ever get to that place of being thankful? Thankful that my husband was gone? Thankful that my daughter was left without her adoring daddy and I was left without the other half of my heart? But as days, weeks, months and years ticked by, I found that she was right. She was right about all of it; I did became thankful and wanted to turn around and help those ladies that were just starting their journeys.
Now don't get me wrong, I was not thankful that Kirk was gone. I did become thankful that I was able to have 23 wonderful years with him. We dated for five years and had just celebrated our 18th anniversary right before he died. I was so thankful that God gave me this gift of love, companionship, and parenthood with Kirk. I am so thankful that we were blessed with Emily. Not too many know that I had issues with conceiving so I always felt that Emily is my miracle baby. God was so faithful with his blessings. So many never marry or have children of their own. There are so many people that are not close to their family, or don't have a family at all. When I got to that place of thankfulness, the grief and sorrow that I carried around started to lift, even if just a bit. Psalms 145:17 NIV says, "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does." God is faithful in everything. You must believe this to keep on your healing path. God is trustworthy and faithful.
God never leaves us and is right with us every step. When our grieving is such a heavy load; He is there. When the sun shines on our faces and we start to put together several good days; God is there. When we feel abandoned and feel like God has checked out on us; He is still there. When we get inpatient and want to move forward with our life but we don't know where to begin; He is there right beside us. He tells us in Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." He is with us sisters. Even when we cannot feel Him, we are the ones that have moved; not Him. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1: 17 NIV.
With the holiday season a week and a half away, please remember all that God has told us. I know it's hard, trust me it's an every day struggle for me. I am not perfect and fall away from time to time. We are human and it will happen and guess what? God knows this already before we do fall away. Read his Word and meditate on His promises. Take time to think about the holidays and give yourself grace when you just don't think you can attend events or parties. It's okay!! Give yourself permission to have time and space. But always remember, a thankful heart can never be downcast so if there is anything you can try to be thankful for; be thankful to God. Just tell Him thank you for being beside you every day and holding you up when you can't go one more day. Lean into Him and trust His plans for you.
Seeing Kirk's jacket and having the honor of wearing it, it renewed my thankfulness. I am so thankful for God to orchestrate our little lives that crashed into each other. Out of that fateful meeting, we were married and were blessed with a daughter that is beautiful inside and out and loves Jesus with her heart and soul. With Kirk's loss, I am thankful God pointed me to a meeting with Ann from Peace Restored and we put together a group of widows that share grief, joy, love, and God. God turned ashes to beauty in His time and for His glory and I am so THANKFUL He used me as His vessel.
It's an honor to serve Him and to serve so many wonderful widows. They are such a blessing to me and if they just remember how much they bless me, my life will be complete when I am called Home.
Thank you God!!!
