Pain in Widowhood

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Psalm 46:1 NIV

The nights after Kirk's sudden passing, I would lay in bed and let the grief wash over me life a 60 foot wave.  The crashing of this wave would hit me so hard, there were times I couldn't breathe, couldn't move an inch.  There was no escaping this huge wall of grief and the pain was so intense that I didn't know if I could live another minute.  The pain that drilled into my heart and soul was unbearable.  I didn't know how I was going to get through the night, the next day, the next week.  Are you there now?  Did you feel that same way after your spouse or a very close person that you love passed on?  You know that pain very well, unfortunately. 

There are/were times that I sit and try to wrap my mind around the fact that Kirk is gone.  I am now a widow and I have a child that I am solely responsible in her upbringing.  I never imagined being here, I never imagined being a widow at this young of an age.  I never imagined that my daughter would have to grow up without her daddy.  It's heartbreaking from the inside so I can only imagine how my family and friends feel about our situation. 

One of the first decisions Emily and I made into our journey was that we were not going to let this tragedy make us bitter.  We wanted to show everyone that we could not only survive, but thrive from our pain and loss.  We turned to our One and only True lifeguard, Jesus.  We believe wholeheartedly in the scripture Psalm 46:1 NIV, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."   Do you believe this?  I sure hope you do because it's true.  He is always there in good times, and in bad times, and in our worst times.  He is always there loving and comforting us. 

Last week at the church I attend, our pastor talked about God using our pain to draw near to us and I believe that.  I also believe that God uses our pain and turns it into something that we can use for the good of others.  Since being a widow, I have met and found so many other widows that are doing amazing things for the widow community.  There are so many widows that write as I do; have started non for profit organizations that help other widows.  I have been involved in groups of grieving woman and we have lifted each other up in our sorrow.  In Romans 8:28 we read, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."   God has used pain so that many of us can reach out and help others.  Helping other widows by telling my story and listening to their stories not only helps in the healing process, but it's such a blessing for me.  God has blessed me through my pain so that I may reach back and show His glory of healing, compassion, and strength.

I know it's easy to feel like you are alone on this path, but always remember you are NOT ALONE!!  You not only have a whole community of widows that know exactly what you are going through, but you have a God that is always present and willing to shower His love on you.  He tells us this in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

Never forgot that!! You have the King of all Kings, the Lord of all Lords, the Maker of the universe, the Alpha and Omega in YOUR corner!!!  How absolutely amazing is that?!!  I feel it's above and beyond anything else!!!  EVER!!  When you feel like you are drowning, reach out and grab hold of the ultimate Lifeguard!!

With this being February, the month of love, please reach out to someone that you feel needs someone to uplift them.  Or if you are the one that needs uplifting, please reach out and tell someone that you need them.  Never suffer alone, sometimes just having someone sit silently with you and hold your hand is all you need at that moment.  Remember you can always reach out to me, even if you just need a special prayer.  I always pray for all of you, you are never far from my thoughts.  I know exactly your pain and struggles, and so does God!!

Lord, I pray for all of these special women and their amazing families.  I pray for comfort and strength in their journey.  I pray they reach out to You Lord.  Thank you for always being by our side and showering us with Your love and grace. In Your Precious Name I pray Amen.